Friday took forever to get here.

What if what I think is random isn’t so random?

Do you do things you don’t want to do because you know that even if you don’t want to it’s the right thing to do? Adulting.

I am surprised that I am apprehensive to go on vacation tomorrow considering I already traveled alone much further away, but I suppose it’s healthy to be a little afraid. Right? RIGHT?

I am looking forward to reading a lot.

How does one figure out what to write about? Just, generally speaking. Generally.

It’s funny, I see a list of movies that are leaving Netflix and I’m outraged that I didn’t even know some of them were AVAILABLE on Netflix and then I remember I watch the same 2 or 3 shows all the time and consider the fact that maybe I need to branch out more.

If I want to travel internationally again next year, I should start figuring out where I want to go now. Or soon-ish.

Figuring out who I am, what I like and what I want, and learning how to speak up and voice all of that, has been a terrifying and also quite rewarding experience. I get to exercise my right to say yes, and to say no, and deal with whatever the fallout is from those actions. I get to choose. It’s cool. I realize that speaking your mind and saying no when you don’t want to do something or yes when you do may not be new for a lot of people. It is new for me. I’m liking it a lot.

Tattoo in Florida? Mayyyyybe….

Thunderstorms are the best alarm clock.

My trip was empowering. I came back with some self-respect, so that’s new. I dig it.

So it’s mid-week back at work. I’ve been busy, clearly, but I’ve also been to work early. I think I had an almost imperceptible mind-shift regarding life in general.

James Horner died in a plane crash this week. It is a huge loss to the world – he wrote beautiful music. I have many of his in my collection – Avatar and Braveheart and Field of Dreams, An American Tale, The Land Before Time (one of my favs), Glory, The Man Without a Face, of course Titanic, Hocus Pocus, Apollo 13, Jumanji, and so so many others. It was shocking when I heard. He will truly be missed. He definitely left a legacy.

What is it about working out that is so great? I just love it. I also love cookies, so…

It still amazes me that one small thing can cause a flood of memories and a punch in the heart region. I try really hard to just move past that nostalgia – it’s easy to remember things through rose-colored glasses and forget the not-so-great times.

It’s also easy to feel lonely when someone you used to spend time with has found someone new. (Don’t forget, you may see me as an independent world-traveler with amazing friends and family and several hobbies that I enjoy, but I’m also a girl who wants to share her life with someone)

Moving on – I’m trying to decide where my next trip is going to be. Yes, of course I am. Greece? Not until they figure out their whole economic situation. Australia? Sydney maybe – always wanted to go there too. (Crocodile Dundee was a staple in my childhood) I’d love to go to Portugal, and of course Scotland/England/Wales. Clearly I want to go to all the places. Maybe I should stay stateside and just go to southern California or Maine. Both places I have never been but want to see. All in good time.

Who was the one that figured out how to fold two sheets and two pillow cases into a little rectangle for convenient packaging? Seriously. It’s like voodoo.

Seriously.

Someone compared their brain to a Rubik’s cube last night and I have to say I totally relate.

My cat chases my shadow and I find it quite hilarious. I’ll have to post a video sometime. I try to think of things to make me smile when I am thinking negatively and that one usually does the trick. Also, Avengers.

Ya know, also, I’m getting real tired of letting people make me feel stupid. I get to choose how I react to things. I don’t like being demeaned, as no one probably does. The difference is I don’t have to tolerate being treated that way, by anyone. I just have to figure out how to react with assertion and not aggression or defense.

Kind of a weird, all over post today. But that’s just where I am.

One more note, if you like movie soundtracks as I clearly do, check out Many Beautiful Things – the soundtrack is by Sleeping At Last and it’s fabulous.

Check it out.

This post is a good example of my brain = Rubik’s cube.

Friday has never taken so long.

I’d like to just point out how absolutely annoying click-bait articles are. You know the ones…

“Child gets insulted in front of class, you’ll NEVER believe what happened next!!”

I rarely, if ever, click on those articles. One, the title is usually misleading. Two, the sources are rarely credible. Three, the whole point of phrasing the article that way is to make people click on the actual site, which generates more “clicks” which I’m sure leads to more money. I get that websites need to make money. But what happened to creative journalism? What happened to having to think up an attention-grabbing article that was a quick summary of the story? I’m not saying it’s ineffective, because that’s not true. It’s very effective, people share those articles all over Facebook. I just think it’s lazy, and incredibly annoying. Maybe that’s me being stubborn, and if so I’m fine with that. Just write a freaking article that is creative and informative and well sourced. Too much to ask? Apparently!

Moving right along…my coworker made me cake for my last day before vacation/early birthday celebration! That was very nice. It’s nice to share that with others – brings comraderie around the cubicles. That being said, I’ve had a healthy serving of that and half a donut already today. So, I’m finally having real food and am grateful for continuously working out. I had considered taking the gym day off but now I may not be able to justify it. We’ll see.

that + whipped cream = dump cake. so good.

I’m slowly chipping away at my list of things to accomplish. People keep saying I’m going to find a fine Irishman and stay there. My boss actually called me Becky McGuillicuddy today. The thing is, I’m not going for anyone or anything but me and myself, because I’m a big nerd and I want to do what I want, when I want. (Don’t worry, I’m coming home. I can tell, you were worried.)

This sums up how I feel about today quite nicely.

I hate when I’m the last person to reply in a group text message. Like, someone else please contribute. Pls.

Isn’t it 3 already?

Jumanji!

Do you find yourself trying to do daily activities and struggling, and then suffering embarrassment when someone notices? Monday I was trying to get a paper towel to dry my hands in the bathroom, and I could not get it. It was a brand new roll and someone squeezed that sucker onto the roller and there was clearly no room for the roll to roll. Anyway, I think I may have whimpered a little bit trying to pry the paper towel off, right as another woman walked in. I promptly left the bathroom. With wet hands. I should’ve waited to see how she handled the situation. That probably would’ve been creepier.

I had lunch with my dad yesterday- that was fun. Then I spilled pizza down my shirt. That was not as much fun.

Tell me this. Why is it that when someone sneaks up on someone else in a movie with a weapon, like say, Phil Coulson sneaks up on Loki in the Avengers, why do they always talk first? I mean, I get it. You have something clever or witty to say. Shoot them, and then say your piece. I mean, it’s a classic mistake.

I did not sleep well last night. My brain would not shut down. It was apparently on overdrive, and I couldn’t get comfortable. It was one of those mornings where I was conscious, just waiting for the alarm to go off. Given that, I got to work really early. So, bonus?

I laugh at the same jokes in movies almost every time, or at least smile in appreciation. I am a rewatcher of movies. I guess I just don’t always want to take the chance of watching something new and having it be terrible. Every once in a while I break out, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched some of my favorites. I know all the lines, I know the jokes when they’re coming, and I am still amused. For what it’s worth, don’t try that in real life. If you tell me the same joke every day, there will come a point where I will give you a death stare and walk away before you finish. It does not translate to real life.

Speaking of movies, I can’t wait for Jurassic World. Judge all you want, it looks fantastic.

I have started preliminary packing. Laying things out, etc. I have a birthday to celebrate a bit on Saturday so I have a feeling Sunday is going to be a mad dash to get everything. I can’t figure out if I’m going to under-pack or over-pack. I’m trying not to panic but I’m freaking out a little bit. I need to make a new checklist.

People never cease to amaze me.

Sounds silly, but I was in bed and the cats jumped up last night, and I realized that I’m going to miss them. I’m such a softie. I mean, I know they’ll be fine, but 10 days without someone with them overnight is a long time. I’m lucky I have friends who are willing to come over and spend time with them. They’ve been my comfort and entertainment for the past 7 years, it’s amazing how much a person can love a pet.

(I made a new checklist. I already feel better)

I’m kinda on vacation time already

Sometimes realizations come quickly. Sometimes slowly. I think the more emotionally invested I am, the longer it takes for realizations to unfold. I heard someone describe the word realize as something becoming real at the very core of your being. I had a realization last night that was as painful as it was freeing. I had a few of those this weekend. What that means for Monday is that I’m a bit lighter and quite a bit more hopeful.

And grateful.

Moving on to lighter topics – back to the Marvel universe because I love it so.

While re-watching Thor for the billionth time, it occurred to me…how did Loki get to Thor while he was being held by S.H.I.E.L.D.? I mean, did he take the Bifrost? I can’t imagine that Heimdall allowed him to go to lie to Thor about Odin being dead…so did he take his secret passage there too? And if that’s the case, how long had he really known that it was there, and had he used it previously for other nefarious or just mischievous mishaps? So many questions.

Arthur’s roots are growing at an alarming rate. I really need to buy a pot for him before I go out of town. I should try to grow another stem in water while I’m gone so he has a friend in his pot. What, you don’t name your plants? You should.

If you could have a fulfilling job that would improve your life, would you move away from everything you know to make it happen? I would consider it. One chance at life, better give it all I’ve got right? Home is always a place I could come back to.

I can’t believe this time next week I’ll be preparing to go to the airport for Ireland. Eeek! (This trip has distracted me from the fact that I’m turning 30)

Here’s a thought that’s bothered me, and I know it’s not just me. How is it in post-apocolyptic shows or zombie shows (read: Walking Dead) girls have impeccable eyebrows and no armpit hair. I mean really, when you’re battling zombies on the regular, do you really take time out of your day to shave and tweeze? and how? How did you find a razor and tweezers? These are the things I notice people.

I am lucky to be graced with some amazing women in my life. I hope I give back to them as much as they give to me!

Fashion Trends are Overrated

I need to keep a notepad next to my bed. I have weird dreams.

Seems like waterproof hiking shoes were a good purchase, given the places I’m going and tours I’m taking.

Seems like most women do not wear rain coats. Let’s be honest, I’ll be pegged as a tourist the second I step on the street. After reading about fashion dos and don’ts, I realized that I don’t even follow fashion rules here. Why would I try to overseas? Good grief. I know how to keep it classy and goodness knows I’m not one for high heels or short skirts so, I think we’re good. Layers, hoodies, hat, scarf, who knows what else. (I might be starting to freak out a little bit, just go with it)

A night with a girlfriend is exactly what I needed – the ability to connect with people on an emotional level is something I am grateful for today.

I say ‘What are you doin’ to my cats more often than you might think. 7 years and they still get into all kinds of trouble. In the best way. They make my life more interesting, and definitely keep me on my toes. Love them.

I think having plants in a home is a necessity. I buy ones that can’t easily be killed. It’s better that way.

Building muscle is fun. Now I need to change my diet up just a bit to ensure I’m protecting that muscle (read: more protein).

I haven’t painted in over a month – I hope to do that on Sunday. Make some time to just sit and be and do. It’s been a challenge lately.

It’s supposed to be 60’s and sunny this weekend so I may actually have the opportunity to pull weeds too. A life with a yard.

I have a deluxe Scrabble board that I got for Christmas that has never been used. That really needs to be rectified.

Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries you guys, I’m telling you. Every character is admirable in some way – the main 4 characters especially. I could go on and on but I won’t – I tend to get a bit verbose on things like that. Just, do yourself a favor and check it out if you like that sort of thing.

Grocery store. Also something I need to do this weekend (as much as I hate it). As close as Ireland is, I still have a week of work, food, chores, and gym to complete, with a few appointments sprinkled in there.

Happy weekend.

10 Days Left.

My parents are incredibly kind, supportive, gracious and loving. I’m lucky, and I am reminded of that on a regular basis. I know this is not the first time I have mentioned that (it won’t be the last).

Yesterday was shoulders and back at the gym. Plus cardio. I drag my feet to get there but always feel great when I leave. I wonder what we’ll do today – legs I hope.

Thunderstorms might be one of my favorite things. It’s funny, as a little one I’d crawl into my parents bed during storms. When I got too old to do that, I’d hide in the closet, going so far as to bring my pillow and blanket in there to sleep. One time, at 11 years old we went to South Dakota over the summer. We were in the mountains, and a storm came up, and I hid on the floor of the backseat under a blanket. Today, I sit outside and watch. I mean, I can still get rattled. But I don’t hide in the closet anymore.

I think breakfast food is the best food. As the wise Ron Swanson (Parks & Rec) once stated: “There has never been a sadness not cured by breakfast food.” Wise words.

I don’t know about you, but I have dialogue with myself each night when I get into bed. Usually I just go over all the things I need to do, want to do, or didn’t think of all day while my mind was occupied with other things. Last night it occurred to me that I want to do yoga while in Ireland, I have an irrational fear of over-packing, and of looking like I don’t belong. I weighed the pros and cons of a hiking backpack vs. rolling luggage, whether or not I should return the $100 hiking shoes I bought and just take a chance with my sturdy Asics, and then had to talk myself out of thinking and try to force myself to sleep. Needless to say, (but I’m saying it anyway) I’m a bit tired.

I’m not afraid of crime in Ireland really. I’ve got a good deal of common sense and am aware of my surroundings. Still, I’m not going to put myself in a position where I’ll be alone on a bus late at night. (Common sense, see?) I’m not a plan-to-the-minute type person, but a general idea would be good. (Yoga at lunchtime, tours in the morning, etc). There I go again – it’s easy to do!

Well, it’s already Thursday. So, there’s that.

It’s my Thursday.

I have a daily reprieve from acting like a jerk. Contingent upon reaching out to the universe and asking for a little guidance and support. My days go better when I ask. But when I’m in a terrible mental condition, my ability to be judgmental and insensitive increases exponentially. I don’t like to be that way. When I am that way, whatever I’m being judgmental about is usually something that I’m insecure about within myself. It is always a reflection of something I am lacking that needs to change. The ability to amend bad behavior and be aware of what I’m doing and to recognize that I get to choose how I act going forward is a freedom in itself because I don’t have to be chained to my own negativity. I can be positive, and not let what others do or say affect my mood. Slowly but surely, this becomes truer in my life.

Everyone has value. Including me.

I found pictures from Seattle and now I really want to go back. (I also kinda miss my long hair when I see those pictures)

Donuts are just little pieces of heaven. Man, why are they so good? And SO terrible for you?

Yoga has become something I really look forward to every week. I would love to incorporate more than one class a week into my schedule. I feel more centered and right with the world and the higher power working in my life after class than after any other time.

Ireland is coming up and I’m starting to panic about the little things like ya know, getting from the city to the B&B, wondering if they’ll be nice to me, questioning how much cab rides are really going to be, pondering if I’ve saved enough money or if I’ll have to put some things on credit, will I meet people, what will I learn, where will I love the most, how am I going to get to the tour stop at 7:40 am, etc. Then I think about like, what to do for 11 hours on a plane. I need a new book or two. Mostly I’m excited though. I think it’s probably normal and a little logical to be questioning those kinds of things. Right?

Did I mention already that I got a new bike seat and pedals with straps? Going for another bike ride tomorrow – pretty excited.

Is there some habit that you’d like to change in your life? I always hunch my shoulders. I carry so much tension in my neck and my upper back that I would really like to stop doing that. I’m working on it.

Tomorrow is my last day of work for the week and then I’m taking a trip to Minnesota to unplug. Just a couple of days, but I’m looking forward to it.

I’m bad at titles

I finally went to a doctor – turns out I have a deep maxillary infection. Whatever that is. The medicine is working, I feel like a person again. That’s awesome.

How is it I get so attached to fictional characters? Books, TV, movies, doesn’t matter.

It is amazing to me that I can be bored and restless and also lazy at the same time. What is that about?

The thought of using nasal spray reminds me of being a child in my grandparents car, driving to some family dinner or something, being persuaded (read: being told) that it was the only way to feel better. I’m sure it will work, but I’m hesitant. Amazing how memories stay with a person.

I wonder what it feels like to be a guy who can grow an amazing set of mutton chops or a huge beard. Is it the same as growing long luscious locks as a woman? I don’t think its the same. I have no clue. I imagine there’s a sense of accomplishment and pride there.

My mom just told me she was going on a helicopter ride in Hawaii. A HELICOPTER ride! She’s so brave! I want to be brave like that – and the idea sounds awesome but I dunno if I’d have the guts to go through with it.

Phil Coulson is just awesome. Seriously watch Agents of SHIELD if you like Marvel comics at all. It’s super cheesy. But it’s super awesome. (Fitz is one of those characters I’m irrationally attached to. Agent Hand is one that just drives me crazy.)

My Ireland trip is 62 days away. That’s something to ponder.

If one friend tries harder than the other to maintain the friendship, is it worth continuing the effort? When do you call it?

I’ll never get used to going into my parent’s house and not having the dogs run to greet me.

I’ve typed about 4 different thoughts here and decided they weren’t worth sharing, which means I’m probably done.

Super Powers.

It seems to be a peculiar twist of fate that it is 80 in Denver today and Thursday when I drive out it’s going to be 40 with a wintery mix.

I love and hate hashtags. #justsayin

If you had to pick, telepathy or mind-control? The differences are subtle but important. I love thinking about superpowers. Sometimes I look at the list of superpowers online and wonder what it would be like to have each of them. Some I’d prefer over others. What, you don’t do that? You should.

What is it about being behind the wheel of a vehicle that gives people the impression that they can behave like complete assholes and it’s acceptable? (yes, I am including myself in that)

Headaches. Amirite? I mean, come on.

For the record, I hate that I can take any small situation that almost certainly has nothing to do with me and turn it into something about me. The only way I can get away from worrying about the unknown is by getting busy helping other people. Or getting immersed in a hobby. Or napping.

What is the proper etiquette if, when buying tickets for a movie and seeing said movie alone, the only seat is paired with another solo movie-goer? I mean, first of all, thanks a lot Twin Creek for making single people everywhere have to deal with this decision in the first place. Secondly, I’m not going to NOT see a movie just because that’s the only seat left. So, should I pull the armrest down and pretend like the person next to me does not exist? Reach my hand out and say hello?

“Hey, so this is super awkward, but we’re stuck next to each other for the next two hours so let’s at least acknowledge that we exist.”

I dunno. My solution so far has been when attending the movies alone, to go to theaters further away from my place without assigned seating. The drive, so far, has been worth the peace of mind.

Why is it so hard to ask for help? In anything really. Is it ego? Fear? Embarrassment? Weakness? Old ideas shaping present actions? I figured that as I did it more, it’d get easier. So far that has not been the case.

I purchased my passport today. I’m going to Ireland in June for my 30th birthday. I don’t think I’ve mentioned that. It’s incredibly exciting and also brings with it a whole different line of questions. What is the best way to access my money? I don’t drink – will people be offended if I don’t drink when I have a meal? How am I going to get from the train station to the bed and breakfast? What happens if I get pick-pocketed? Will people talk to me at pubs if I don’t drink? (Seriously, I’d like to meet new people but I know that ‘buying rounds’ for friends is huge there and considered an insult if you leave without buying one for everyone else, even if you turn down the offers for yourself)

Interstellar has arrived. I love that movie. I’m going to go watch it now. You should too.