What a hiatus!

I have not been around these parts in a minute! I’ve been using another medium to blog about some things near and dear that I don’t necessarily need everyone to know about but have to work through. With that, plus school, meetings, work, standing appointments, choir, orchestra, and dating, I’ve been incredibly busy.

Crazy how life gets good isn’t it?

Have you ever taken into consideration the random articles found on the roadways? I’m curious. I mentioned this on my Facebook, seeing a random shoe in the median. The responses were varied – some wondered, like me, if a person was so angry that throwing a shoe out of the window was the only natural response. Others thought that perhaps something terrible happened. One person said a ‘friend of hers’ thought that it was proof of an alien abduction. But I mean, I have seen some weird things on the roadside. Baby seat. Couch. Couch cushion. Bookshelf. Shoe. Backpack. I can’t imagine that all of these things bounced out of the back of a truck.

Sometimes I look at pictures of space, and of Earth, and of our Universe and I just get overwhelmed. Does that ever happen to you with anything? I just think about our planets in orbit around the sun, and how incredible it is that such a thing exists at all, and how so many things happen in such a big world that is actually tiny in comparison to the solar system it resides in while hurtling through space. Sometimes it’s a challenge for me to wrap my mind around the god thing, but when I think of all this, I’m convinced that the name doesn’t matter – there’s something out there bigger than me and I’m grateful.

Think about weather, and tides, and how plants and humans help each other out, and tell me that it wasn’t by design. Now look, I’m a firm believer in science and I’m not saying that the world was created in “7 days” by a supreme being. I don’t think there’s a puppet master pulling strings. What I am saying is that it isn’t just coincidence that humans breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide, and that plants absorb carbon dioxide and emit oxygen. That’s one of many examples that I could provide, but I think at this point I’m starting to ramble. It’s just powerful stuff.

I’m *this* close to home-ownership again! Also *this* close to being done with class for the semester. Orchestra concert was Sunday and went off well. I had a few people in the audience this time which was pretty cool. Choir concert is in a month. Closing date for the house would be in a month. I’m dating a neat guy. I’m doing personal training at the gym, I’m sponsoring a gal who seems to really be trying, I’m participating in service commitments…

Basically what I’m saying is I’m so busy I think that sometimes I skate by on adrenaline and caffeine alone. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I have a few friends who openly protest Thanksgiving, stating that America is celebrating genocide of the Native American population, and I know there are many others who believe that way. Lots of protests by Native American tribes take place on Thanksgiving. On the other hand, many Native Americans are supportive of Thanksgiving, as the main purpose of the day is to give thanks to whatever you believe in for the things we have in life. I think initially it was a day of thanks for the first successful harvest. Of course, there are those who will say history has been changed and what the books say does not accurately reflect what really happened. I guess we’ll never know for sure.What I love is that everyone is entitled to believe what they want. As long as you don’t force your beliefs on me, we’re good.

That being said, I love Thanksgiving, with all of the drama of trying to get the food prepared at the same time, making sure the potatoes aren’t too lumpy or too smooth. I swear, someday I’m going to master what ‘until it looks right’ means when my mom tells me to add milk to the potatoes. I like looking at ads at what I’d buy if I had all the money in the world or the bravery to try to shop on Black Friday. I like having football on the TV while we nap, going to the meeting, playing games, eating pie. What I really want to do that I have never done is see the lighting ceremony in our downtown area. I am hoping I can this year. I’ve been here 30 years and never experienced it. I mean I’ve seen the lights. I just haven’t seen them light up for the first time. Ya get me.

Wow. This thing is all over the place. Well, kinda like my brain I guess. You’re welcome.

Thunderstorms are the best alarm clock.

My trip was empowering. I came back with some self-respect, so that’s new. I dig it.

So it’s mid-week back at work. I’ve been busy, clearly, but I’ve also been to work early. I think I had an almost imperceptible mind-shift regarding life in general.

James Horner died in a plane crash this week. It is a huge loss to the world – he wrote beautiful music. I have many of his in my collection – Avatar and Braveheart and Field of Dreams, An American Tale, The Land Before Time (one of my favs), Glory, The Man Without a Face, of course Titanic, Hocus Pocus, Apollo 13, Jumanji, and so so many others. It was shocking when I heard. He will truly be missed. He definitely left a legacy.

What is it about working out that is so great? I just love it. I also love cookies, so…

It still amazes me that one small thing can cause a flood of memories and a punch in the heart region. I try really hard to just move past that nostalgia – it’s easy to remember things through rose-colored glasses and forget the not-so-great times.

It’s also easy to feel lonely when someone you used to spend time with has found someone new. (Don’t forget, you may see me as an independent world-traveler with amazing friends and family and several hobbies that I enjoy, but I’m also a girl who wants to share her life with someone)

Moving on – I’m trying to decide where my next trip is going to be. Yes, of course I am. Greece? Not until they figure out their whole economic situation. Australia? Sydney maybe – always wanted to go there too. (Crocodile Dundee was a staple in my childhood) I’d love to go to Portugal, and of course Scotland/England/Wales. Clearly I want to go to all the places. Maybe I should stay stateside and just go to southern California or Maine. Both places I have never been but want to see. All in good time.

Who was the one that figured out how to fold two sheets and two pillow cases into a little rectangle for convenient packaging? Seriously. It’s like voodoo.

Seriously.

Someone compared their brain to a Rubik’s cube last night and I have to say I totally relate.

My cat chases my shadow and I find it quite hilarious. I’ll have to post a video sometime. I try to think of things to make me smile when I am thinking negatively and that one usually does the trick. Also, Avengers.

Ya know, also, I’m getting real tired of letting people make me feel stupid. I get to choose how I react to things. I don’t like being demeaned, as no one probably does. The difference is I don’t have to tolerate being treated that way, by anyone. I just have to figure out how to react with assertion and not aggression or defense.

Kind of a weird, all over post today. But that’s just where I am.

One more note, if you like movie soundtracks as I clearly do, check out Many Beautiful Things – the soundtrack is by Sleeping At Last and it’s fabulous.

Check it out.

This post is a good example of my brain = Rubik’s cube.

It’s May

Yoga is magical, exhausting, refreshing and restorative to the soul.

Why do almost all action movies have the protagonist saunter away from an explosion without turning around or being blown forward?

Letting go of something doesn’t necessarily mean saying goodbye, it just means being ok with change.

Does Loki really love Frigga? I mean, was he legitimately saddened at herher death and does he mean what he says to Thor at the end of The Dark World (under the guise of Odin) and on that note, when the guard said they found a body and Odin said Loki, did he know that Loki had taken someone else’s form or did he think Loki died?

Why do some groups of women squeal with delight, loudly? Is it inability to handle the excitement or seeking attention?

How did Stark not know that Obadiah was a bad guy? Seriously that guy screamed asshole.

I bought a bicycle this weekend. I realize I’m going on a trip in a month but there was a sale and I’d wanted one for a long time. Probably could’ve waited, didn’t, real excited to ride it. Probably not today, my woke body aches from yoga and well, it’s about to be thunderstorm central. No complaints here, I love storms.

I can recognize today that my fear of the unknown can be paralyzing, and it can be suffocating, and I hate it. I ask the universe on the regular to help rid me of that fear and learn to be present, and to take actions that enable my present to be enjoyable, lighthearted and happy. Not full of anxiety, fear, insecurity and doubt.

Why do pilots say mayday when going down? Yes I will probably Google that, it just never occurred to me before.

I love origin stories.

I also love carrot cake. I could really enjoy a piece right now.

Kick Monday’s Ass

I’ve been away for a few days. It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just that my life gets so busy that I hardly have time to think straight! Then, when I do have time over the weekend, I’m usually in the company of someone else, and the last thing I want to do at that point is plug back into my computer. I stare at a screen a lot during the week, so weekend posting is hit and miss, for sure.

Why is driving in the rain so exhausting? I love the sound of rain, sitting on the porch or in my house, but pounding on the exterior of my car it becomes quite annoying.

Words have the ability to cut a person down or build them up. Even the tone of how words are said can be a determining factor in how they are perceived by others. I have to remember that. Words are powerful. I still remember kind, and mean, things that were said to me as far back as 2nd grade, so ya know, I need to be conscious of my words and choose them carefully.

I wish that I could capture a moment in time in my brain and freeze frame it forever. Wouldn’t that be a cool superpower? I mean, I have memories that I can look back on but they always fade or become more challenging to pull up because of all the life I continue to live.

I wonder what it is like to go to work every day doing what you’re passionate about. I know several people who wake up and are thrilled to go in to work. It’s not that I hate my job, because I don’t. I just, ya know those people who are like, I was born to do this. And they do it and they get paid for it? Lucky.

What is it about a made bed that makes me feel like I’ve got my life together?

It amazes me that the whole weekend is over already. It was such a whirlwind. Constantly moving, which isn’t a bad thing.

Choir concert last night with Ola Gjelo was great. Far drive in the rain two days in a row, but it was a fun performance. On that note (see what I did there, with the pun?) choir rehearsal was cancelled for tonight and I’m a little bit excited about having a night to get some things done around the house, without having to leave for anything.

It also amazes me that I can be excited for a night to get my house cleaned and food cooked for the week. Clearly, I like to live on the edge.

People in this world can do outstanding things. Trying to focus on that rather than all the calamity in the world helps me to stay positive. Not that I want to be ignorant or uninformed, but I don’t want the world to drag me down.

Why does one side of the nose get clogged and when does the body decide it’s time to switch sides and how does that decision get made? Like, ok left nostril, you’ve put in your work for the morning, it’s time for everything to switch sides. Congestion, retreat to the alternate side and resume your business. What? I don’t get that.

I want a big bowl of creamy chicken alfredo pasta. I want to eat every bite without feeling guilty. Since that will never, ever happen, what I’ll do is not that. But man, it is definitely one of my favorite things. (Mmm food)

I also really enjoy napping. I managed to sneak in a 20 minute nap on Saturday, which was refreshing enough to get through the next portion of the day, but I adore falling asleep on the couch for an hour. It’s bad when I wake up in the morning and within the first few minutes of stretching and making my bed, start thinking about how great it will be to nap. I used to nap to escape, but now I nap because I’m up enjoying my life so much that I’ll take sleep when I can get it. (word)

My life is really, really good today. And I can see how good it is, and I’m grateful for that.

This Moment

Just how little sleep can an adult function properly on?

I think inspiring someone is pretty cool.

Why is it that when I start to experience a bit of serenity and a quiet mind, my brain decides to go into overdrive and identify some inconsequential question and begins to worry about it?

I’ve found that when I get like that, I can either choose to continue down that path of needless worry and indulge in my fear of the unknown, setting myself up for a terrible day, or, I can remind myself every time the question comes up (because it will be often throughout the day) that the answer does not matter, that knowing is not necessary, and that my day does not have to be dictated or controlled by one thought.

Sometimes, that is serious work.

It’s a great feeling to be genuinely happy for someone else’s joy. No envy or misplaced jealousy, no feeling of being slighted, just happiness for their happiness.

What’s it like to live where mountains, city, ocean and forest are a stone’s throw away from each other? Seriously. I don’t mind where I live, I’ve been here my whole life and my entire support system is here. But there are a lot of places I’d like to go and spend time. I love nature and being outside – its a way for me to connect with the universe.

How is it that time goes so slowly at the office and so quickly at home?

When did people first start writing comic strips? Were they scribbled out haphazardly and hidden away hundreds of years ago? I don’t see any ancient ‘Funnies’ being restored.

I have had to alternate between heat and air at my house because I can’t open the windows due to excessive noise from the highway. And the airplanes. I mean I could, but it’s so loud. Like, so loud. Definitely can’t sleep with the windows open, which is too bad. Although, considering the allergens in the air this year, maybe I’m better off.

Why do I hate doing laundry so much? Because it’s never ending? Because I have to wait for things to dry before I can make progress so it takes forever? I have no clue. I seriously can’t stand it though.

I used to think I had all this wisdom to share with the world. Little nuggets of truth that I’d learned that you’d read and it would just be like “BOOM”  life-changing moment. I don’t think that anymore. What I’ve come to realize is I really don’t know a whole lot about much. Not that I’m not intelligent. I believe I’m fairly smart, and can hold intelligent conversation about a plethora of topics at length. What I mean is, when it comes to life things, I’m constantly learning more.

I was told that the way I attack life is great. It made me thing about how I actually attack life. Sideways, mostly. I do what I have to so that I can do what I want to. It doesn’t mean I’m happy all the time, or that I’m feeling particularly fulfilled, or that I don’t want for something more or different. I’m just trying to let go of what I think I want in the future so that whatever’s out there for me can happen. Does that make sense? I don’t know. I just know that in high school and college I wanted the husband, 2 kids, dog, white picket fence, career, car, and the like. Now I’m almost 30 and I don’t have a husband, or kids, I have 2 cats, no picket fence, a decent job and a car that I can trust. So, 2 out of 6. And ya know, I’m pretty content, all things considered. It’s just interesting to me the way things seem to unfold in my life. And looking back, if I had gotten what I thought I wanted at 21 or 22, I’m not sure how happy I would’ve been. I guess I’m just feeling gratitude today for where I am. Today. Right now. Not worrying about where I’ve been or where I’m going. Just being glad for the moment.

Right now, the moment is pretty spectacular.

So many questions.

What if we could go back in time? I think music is the closest to time travel I’ll ever see in my lifetime. Music can take me back to any moment in my life. I was listening to M83 earlier today and I remembered sitting on the floor in the airport with my family, with my brother’s headphones on, listening to them for the first time. Songs bring back all kinds of memories. Saying goodbye to a friend in high school before she moved away to college. Jamming out in my first car. Dancing around with a childhood friend in her apartment. Going to see a show. Working through grief, curled up alone with my cats. Fourth of July at the baseball field. An argument with a past friend. An old relationship. A road trip to Missouri to see a childhood friend get married. Riding in the backseat as a kid. Botched attempts at karaoke back in the day. Dancing at a wedding reception. Spending Friday nights at Skate Land. (heyoooo) Sitting in the living room with my brother at the rental house my freshman year of high school watching Wizard of Oz, muted with Pink Floyd playing on the stereo. Sitting on the floor with my guitar, figuring out chords by ear. All types of memories, good and bad, but they’re the pieces that make up my life. Music reminds me of those moments that may lie dormant in my mind. It’s magical really.

What would it be like if travel were inexpensive? If going all over the world, learning about different cultures and relating with humans was something that was encouraged? Would people take advantage of that? Or would things stay the same? Why is it that taking a risk is so scary, even when the reward could be so great?

I use those gain flings to wash my laundry – where does the plastic go? Does it disintegrate?

I think it would be amazing to be inside the mind of someone who invents things. How do they see the world? Does everything look like an opportunity to them? Do they see things and constantly see ways to improve them? Mostly I find people fascinating.

What if we could siphon out a few seconds of our internal playback and watch it on TV. Would it make sense? I mean, I can go from Marvel comics to coffee farms in no time at all. I just wonder sometimes what it would look like to actually watch that rather than just internalizing it. (I know I’m weird, but come on)

Why does the smell of a new book instantly make me happy?

What is it about not feeling well that makes me feel like a small child? I almost always want my mom to make me a 7-up and cranberry juice drink over crushed ice. Instead I lie on the couch in a ball, tucked under covers (and then those covers are strewn on the floor) wishing the sickness to just … go away. Time for bed, again.

Goodbye Weekend.

So, yesterday was an amazing day, but stressful. At the end of it though, all the stress was worth it. I do not feel the same way when stressed about things like money. Stressing about money is never as satisfying and I do it way more often. Being grateful for a day full of friends and care is way more rewarding.

Why is it that my bed is absolutely uncomfortable when I go to sleep, but when I jump up in the morning to turn my alarm off and dive back under the covers it takes me no time at all to fall back asleep for that 9 minutes before my snooze goes off?

On that note, what is it about snoozing that is so seemingly satisfying? Like, hey. I totally set this for 20 minutes too early because I want to feel like I’m getting away with something by delaying my inevitable rise from slumber. I’m such a badass. (I’m not)

Why do cats constantly meow for food in their bowls when there is clearly food in the bowl? Seriously.

There is something about a lazy Sunday that is extremely gratifying. Productivity has its benefits, but there’s something to be said for slowing down enough to just be, and to be ok with that. Napping is the shit. (Yes, I still have laundry to finish and food to cook, but it doesn’t have to be done today)

Do animals have good memories? I understand they are teachable, but I mean do my cats remember being in the humane society 7 years ago? How do they perceive time? How is it that they just know that 2 am is the perfect time to tear through the house and play with toys that make noise?

Naturally motivated people are quite fascinating to me. I am equal parts jealous and impressed. I need to finish laundry and cleaning my house, yet here I sit, watching Netflix.

I’ve kept things light so far – please don’t misunderstand. I have plenty of thoughts about more somber topics, or more controversial topics. The thing is, I don’t want to focus on negative things in life, and I’m not one to write for the sake of being sensational or for shock value. Furthermore, my lack of a desire to create negative controversy or invite drama into my life has a direct effect on the things I invest my time in.

Two in one Day? The Audacity.

Why are timpani players in orchestra always men over 50? (This is envy talking, I’m thrilled to be playing in orchestra at all but it seems the odds of me ever playing timpani again are not high)

I don’t get the motivation behind announcing the weather on social media. Then again, I posted a picture of a plant I’m trying to grow at work. So… there’s that.

Every time I try to make a recipe from my childhood, it pales in comparison to my memory. What’s with that?

Why do people prefer certain types of music? Is it based on early childhood exposure? Or more about what’s happened in life? Or is it something in our brains?

I struggle with telling people about things I do and enjoy. Like singing, or painting. I always have to set the standards really low by explaining how I’m not very good. What’s the deal with that?

I can get passionate about almost anything, and in no time at all. I can get to the middle of a heated discussion and realize I’m fervently talking about my parent’s old hand mixer in comparison to my new one that died after two uses. (Theirs are older than me and still working marvelously. Wtf?)

Does every person on this planet have a purpose? Like, a deep, to the core, purpose of the soul? If so, how does one access that info? Is there a secret trek I’m supposed to participate in?

The night sky is infinitely beautiful to me. I can get lost in the stars.

I’m going to enjoy orchestra rehearsal now. Jackson Berkey will be here and that’s exciting. We’re doing a world premier of one of his pieces which is an amazing opportunity I’m grateful to be part of. These are the types of gifts I’ve been given. My musings may seem as if I’m unhappy. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m quite thrilled with my life. I just find life itself intriguing.

P.s. my plant’s name is Arthur. But I say it with a British accent. It’s way more fun that way.

(Arthur)