I’m ready for boots and hoodies

If opportunity comes knocking, do you open the door? Or take a nap?

I don’t think I’m built for cubicle life. But I watched Arthur grow a new leaf, and that was pretty cool.

It has been a busy few weeks – it seems like we’ve just now been able to take a breath at work.

It is so challenging to give a person help, and watch them not take it. It’s a good reminder for me that I need to continue to be willing to take different actions that are suggested to me.

Does everyone have a calling?

Does having an aversion to meat, cooking and eating it, mean that I shouldn’t cook and eat it? I mean, protein. But, moral dilemma. I know we’re carnivores and I get that. I also know that my brain is a little sideways, and sometimes I really struggle with eating meat. It’s something I’ve been rolling around in my brain for a while.

Does an adult ever feel rested? I mean really.

I wonder what having a cup of coffee every morning does to the body. I pretty much have coffee every morning. Hmm.

Do things that annoy you ever stop annoying you?

What is it about young children, boys especially, who feel that it is totally acceptable to walk or ride their bikes in the middle of the street, and not move when they know a car is coming? Or then they throw their bikes on the sidewalk or in the yard, where they’re left overnight and rained on. I don’t get that!

I wonder if the guy who delivers my groceries (I still can’t believe that) judges me for not going to the grocery store. I mean, I don’t particularly care, but I got the same guy twice in a row and I’ve just placed my third order – I wonder if he thinks I’m just immensely lazy? Or maybe he thinks I’m agoraphobic and never leave my house. Maybe he thinks I’m super spoiled and entitled. I don’t know, I’m very nice to him when he comes. I wonder if we’re supposed to tip? (I just looked it up, they accept tips. Mental note, get cash)

I’m reading The Dresden Files – first book: Storm Front. It’s actually really interesting. It’s right up my alley, a mix of fantasy and gritty crime novel. How have I only just now heard about it?

Apple Cinnamon Cheerios are a close second

In this day and age, where everyone has a camera and filters and everyone fancies themselves a photographer, is it a silly dream to want to be one? Not just a mediocre one, but a good one? Is it silly at 30 to finish one degree and start another that is completely different?

How is it that a plant can grow without soil?

It’s really true what they say, silence can absolutely be golden.

When you think about the universe, is it something that scares you or excites you?

I saw a truck on the interstate today that was carrying burial tombs. Not caskets. Like, full on tombs, decorated to the hilt. I didn’t even know there was a market for such a thing.

I feel like I’m wasting my life behind a desk doing a job that anyone could do, not really doing anything to benefit anyone else. It’s infuriating, to a degree, to realize that if I left, my presence would not be missed here. My circle of influence, for lack of a better term, is quite limited.

HyVee delivers groceries. It was a monumental day in my life once discovered. Yes, I used it. Yes, it was worth $4.95. Yes, I’ll do it again. I’m saving money by not going out to eat all the time, and I’ve got a variety of choices. It’s nice.

Sometimes people at work communicate in such a way that initially makes me bristle. Then I remember that it really doesn’t matter.

Golden Grahams might be the best cereal ever.

I’m kinda on vacation time already

Sometimes realizations come quickly. Sometimes slowly. I think the more emotionally invested I am, the longer it takes for realizations to unfold. I heard someone describe the word realize as something becoming real at the very core of your being. I had a realization last night that was as painful as it was freeing. I had a few of those this weekend. What that means for Monday is that I’m a bit lighter and quite a bit more hopeful.

And grateful.

Moving on to lighter topics – back to the Marvel universe because I love it so.

While re-watching Thor for the billionth time, it occurred to me…how did Loki get to Thor while he was being held by S.H.I.E.L.D.? I mean, did he take the Bifrost? I can’t imagine that Heimdall allowed him to go to lie to Thor about Odin being dead…so did he take his secret passage there too? And if that’s the case, how long had he really known that it was there, and had he used it previously for other nefarious or just mischievous mishaps? So many questions.

Arthur’s roots are growing at an alarming rate. I really need to buy a pot for him before I go out of town. I should try to grow another stem in water while I’m gone so he has a friend in his pot. What, you don’t name your plants? You should.

If you could have a fulfilling job that would improve your life, would you move away from everything you know to make it happen? I would consider it. One chance at life, better give it all I’ve got right? Home is always a place I could come back to.

I can’t believe this time next week I’ll be preparing to go to the airport for Ireland. Eeek! (This trip has distracted me from the fact that I’m turning 30)

Here’s a thought that’s bothered me, and I know it’s not just me. How is it in post-apocolyptic shows or zombie shows (read: Walking Dead) girls have impeccable eyebrows and no armpit hair. I mean really, when you’re battling zombies on the regular, do you really take time out of your day to shave and tweeze? and how? How did you find a razor and tweezers? These are the things I notice people.

I am lucky to be graced with some amazing women in my life. I hope I give back to them as much as they give to me!

I love books.

Friday at work and I still haven’t managed to go to the grocery store. I guess I’ll be doing some slow cooking again this weekend.

Ok, so in theory a paper cut sounds like no big deal. But in practice they hurt worse than a concussion. Why is that? Same thing with stubbed toes.

I always think eating greasy food sounds like a great idea. It’ll be so good! It is never that good. And I always feel terribly uncomfortable after. Why do I do that to myself? #nomoregrease

I took my first bike ride on Wednesday – a total round trip of 9.6 miles. Pretty crazy! It was fun, coming home was a challenge in the wind with a sore ass (that original seat is pretty unforgiving) but I’m looking forward to getting out again.

Ever think about the things you’re challenged by the most and wonder why that is? It takes a lot of work for me to be patient and tolerant. And not just of other people, of myself. I fight every day against my nature because I want to be a better person. And good people are patient and tolerant. And kind, among other things. But I need to remember to be that way with myself as well as with the people around me. I deserve it as much as they do.

Is it normal to be easily bored? Sometimes I just look around and realize I am not being intellectually stimulated at all, and it’s frustrating. I need a good fantasy book to get lost in.

Arthur is ready to be moved to soil. Success!

I need a nap.

there you are

Maybe I should rename this blog sporadic musings. That way I’m less likely to feel poorly if I don’t get to posting in a day.

I’m happy to report that Arthur is growing roots. I’m not ashamed to admit that I have no idea when there are enough to put him in a pot. We’re not even close yet, but that’ll be something to research.

People are amazing. In good ways and bad ways.

I hate Mondays. Not just because of the work week, but because the magic of the weekend seems to disappear completely once Monday morning rolls around. I hate that.

I LOVE a sunrise after a stormy night, when there are still some clouds in the sky, and it’s all grays and pinks. I’d love to figure out how to paint something like that.

Orchestra performance was yesterday afternoon and it was a full house. It was wonderful to be on stage. I hope I can continue to participate when their repertoire calls for percussion.

Why are people so afraid to talk? To just be open and honest? I understand the vulnerability there – but I can’t imagine that being vulnerable with a person would make them care about you less. I don’t know, I just don’t get it. I’m not saying we should all go blab our dirty laundry to every person we meet – trust is earned. But once that trust is established, what keeps people from being open? Fear?

I wonder what it feels like to float in space.

Fabric that stretches out after having pulled up my sleeves one time is quite annoying. Now I cannot pull my sleeves back down without looking like my forearms are swimming in a sea of holey blue fabric. (It is in this moment that I remember why I do not wear this sweater. It shall go to the Goodwill pile!)

I can crack my right thumb 2 or 3 times in a row, and I do it randomly throughout the day. I think it might be from texting. It’s incredibly satisfying when it cracks, but when I try and it doesn’t, I’m left with a discomfort that leads me to continue the attempt until it happens at least once. There’s something not right about that, I’d think. I’m weird. (It’s the only finger that does that too, btw)

Why is it so difficult to pay for things I need to, like the oil change my car is currently undergoing, or groceries, but it is so easy to pay for the things I want to, like energy drinks. Or shoes.

That whole ‘Treat people the way you want to be treated’ thing is on point.

Just how many types of apples are there? Seriously there are so many.

Two in one Day? The Audacity.

Why are timpani players in orchestra always men over 50? (This is envy talking, I’m thrilled to be playing in orchestra at all but it seems the odds of me ever playing timpani again are not high)

I don’t get the motivation behind announcing the weather on social media. Then again, I posted a picture of a plant I’m trying to grow at work. So… there’s that.

Every time I try to make a recipe from my childhood, it pales in comparison to my memory. What’s with that?

Why do people prefer certain types of music? Is it based on early childhood exposure? Or more about what’s happened in life? Or is it something in our brains?

I struggle with telling people about things I do and enjoy. Like singing, or painting. I always have to set the standards really low by explaining how I’m not very good. What’s the deal with that?

I can get passionate about almost anything, and in no time at all. I can get to the middle of a heated discussion and realize I’m fervently talking about my parent’s old hand mixer in comparison to my new one that died after two uses. (Theirs are older than me and still working marvelously. Wtf?)

Does every person on this planet have a purpose? Like, a deep, to the core, purpose of the soul? If so, how does one access that info? Is there a secret trek I’m supposed to participate in?

The night sky is infinitely beautiful to me. I can get lost in the stars.

I’m going to enjoy orchestra rehearsal now. Jackson Berkey will be here and that’s exciting. We’re doing a world premier of one of his pieces which is an amazing opportunity I’m grateful to be part of. These are the types of gifts I’ve been given. My musings may seem as if I’m unhappy. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m quite thrilled with my life. I just find life itself intriguing.

P.s. my plant’s name is Arthur. But I say it with a British accent. It’s way more fun that way.

(Arthur)