Great life.

This to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him Who presides over us all.

I love that phrase. It comes from a book I read often. Last year, a physicist gave me a picture from the Hubble telescope with the second part on the side as a Christmas card. It stays in my car and is a reminder to me that even though I am a small part of the Universe, I should be grateful for my purpose in it. That I have a right to be here, just like you.

It also reminds me that I should never allow the good things in my life to become things I complain about. While I admit that is a lofty goal considering that I am, in fact, human, it can be a goal that I strive towards.

I have had an insane month. On top of regular things like work, meetings, choir, chores, therapy, dietitian and the gym, I have purchased a home (!), performed in an orchestra concert, gone on several dates, joined a couple of committees, tried cooking new foods, done plenty of homework for class, and have been dog-sitting since last Saturday, which adds an entirely new routine in the mix. The dogs are giant, and they bark a lot, and they demand attention. What I’m saying is that I’ve had a lot going on, and I’m exhausted. There are plenty of things I did not mention, but my point is this:

I am lucky to have such a full life.

There was a time when my life was desolate. Not many wanted to be in my company. I wasn’t great company, really. I don’t blame them. At that time in my life, all I wanted was to be a part of something. I had no passions left. I remember feeling that empty ache inside, missing the person I used to be but not being able to figure out how to get her back.

Today, I can catch myself getting wrapped up in complaints about this thing or that thing, and yes it’s true that my life is stressful, but it’s full of people who want to spend time with me, whether I believe that they do or not. They keep showing up. People trust me with their homes, their pets and their secrets. They confide in me and show up for me in ways I’ve never experienced before. It is an amazing thing. I am reminded to be grateful.

There are times, like now, when I see people that I love struggling to work through a terribly devastating situation, and there’s nothing I can do to help. I can pray and give hugs, which are sometimes ill-received. I get it. Grief is indescribable, and everyone handles it differently. So I stand at the ready, willing to help but keeping my distance. They know I’m here. I know they know.

Sometimes life is not fair. Sometimes, the ones we love are taken from us before we are ready. There is no easy way to process through something like that. My experience has proven that time and permission to feel are the only two things that guarantee getting through to the other side of the valley.

I don’t know where this is going, or how I got here. I just know that today I’m grateful for my life, my health, my friends and my family. A new relationship, a new home, a new chapter to write, and love to give to those around me. My goal is to fear less and love more. Hesitate less. Honor myself and the things that make me who I am. Be a friend. And always, be grateful. Be thankful for my life. Remember that the things I may be complaining about are the things I longed for most.

Relax.

Enjoy.

Relish.

Life is not forever – revel in the moment.

Be grateful.

What a hiatus!

I have not been around these parts in a minute! I’ve been using another medium to blog about some things near and dear that I don’t necessarily need everyone to know about but have to work through. With that, plus school, meetings, work, standing appointments, choir, orchestra, and dating, I’ve been incredibly busy.

Crazy how life gets good isn’t it?

Have you ever taken into consideration the random articles found on the roadways? I’m curious. I mentioned this on my Facebook, seeing a random shoe in the median. The responses were varied – some wondered, like me, if a person was so angry that throwing a shoe out of the window was the only natural response. Others thought that perhaps something terrible happened. One person said a ‘friend of hers’ thought that it was proof of an alien abduction. But I mean, I have seen some weird things on the roadside. Baby seat. Couch. Couch cushion. Bookshelf. Shoe. Backpack. I can’t imagine that all of these things bounced out of the back of a truck.

Sometimes I look at pictures of space, and of Earth, and of our Universe and I just get overwhelmed. Does that ever happen to you with anything? I just think about our planets in orbit around the sun, and how incredible it is that such a thing exists at all, and how so many things happen in such a big world that is actually tiny in comparison to the solar system it resides in while hurtling through space. Sometimes it’s a challenge for me to wrap my mind around the god thing, but when I think of all this, I’m convinced that the name doesn’t matter – there’s something out there bigger than me and I’m grateful.

Think about weather, and tides, and how plants and humans help each other out, and tell me that it wasn’t by design. Now look, I’m a firm believer in science and I’m not saying that the world was created in “7 days” by a supreme being. I don’t think there’s a puppet master pulling strings. What I am saying is that it isn’t just coincidence that humans breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide, and that plants absorb carbon dioxide and emit oxygen. That’s one of many examples that I could provide, but I think at this point I’m starting to ramble. It’s just powerful stuff.

I’m *this* close to home-ownership again! Also *this* close to being done with class for the semester. Orchestra concert was Sunday and went off well. I had a few people in the audience this time which was pretty cool. Choir concert is in a month. Closing date for the house would be in a month. I’m dating a neat guy. I’m doing personal training at the gym, I’m sponsoring a gal who seems to really be trying, I’m participating in service commitments…

Basically what I’m saying is I’m so busy I think that sometimes I skate by on adrenaline and caffeine alone. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I have a few friends who openly protest Thanksgiving, stating that America is celebrating genocide of the Native American population, and I know there are many others who believe that way. Lots of protests by Native American tribes take place on Thanksgiving. On the other hand, many Native Americans are supportive of Thanksgiving, as the main purpose of the day is to give thanks to whatever you believe in for the things we have in life. I think initially it was a day of thanks for the first successful harvest. Of course, there are those who will say history has been changed and what the books say does not accurately reflect what really happened. I guess we’ll never know for sure.What I love is that everyone is entitled to believe what they want. As long as you don’t force your beliefs on me, we’re good.

That being said, I love Thanksgiving, with all of the drama of trying to get the food prepared at the same time, making sure the potatoes aren’t too lumpy or too smooth. I swear, someday I’m going to master what ‘until it looks right’ means when my mom tells me to add milk to the potatoes. I like looking at ads at what I’d buy if I had all the money in the world or the bravery to try to shop on Black Friday. I like having football on the TV while we nap, going to the meeting, playing games, eating pie. What I really want to do that I have never done is see the lighting ceremony in our downtown area. I am hoping I can this year. I’ve been here 30 years and never experienced it. I mean I’ve seen the lights. I just haven’t seen them light up for the first time. Ya get me.

Wow. This thing is all over the place. Well, kinda like my brain I guess. You’re welcome.

Idle time does not suit me

I still like to cut (tear) the crust off my sandwiches. I’d probably use one of those cool dinosaur sandwich things if I had one. If I ever have kids, it’s going to be on.

I have to hit stop on the microwave if someone has left remaining time on there and exited the premises. Seriously, who does that? How hard is it to hit a button? ONE TIME! (Please note, I will never put up a passive/aggressive note stating that people should ‘please hit end once you are done using the microwave’ because that’s just dumb)

I finally bit the bullet and got a personal trainer. Why is it so damn intimidating to meeting with a fitness guru? Like, hey. I’ve been working hard in the gym for two months and I still feel inadequate walking around the gym with you. Maybe that’s just me. But I have hope that I’ll make progress at a quicker pace when I have someone guiding me through.

What is it about nature that is so restorative? I wish I had a window at work.

Why are raccoons the most adorable little shits on the planet? I mean they will literally tear apart your yard/trash/whatever but they look so cute!

Do you ever get a song stuck in your head, pick it out, play it, and realize you were imagining it in the right key, and it’s better when you listen to it than just remembering it your mind? I do that all the time. Especially when I get anxious. (I have to talk in front of over 400 people tonight. I am not excited)

Do personal trainers REALLY believe that they can help you achieve your goals or do they just say that to get paid? I think I’m having buyer’s remorse. Time will tell.

Why is it that on the slow days at work I have the most irritating thoughts processing through my brain, with absolutely no distractions from them. No escaping them. Ugh.

You know those friends that you can be complete 100% yourself with and go a little crazy and they love you anyway? Hold on to those friends. They’ll be there when things get really tough. And be there for them too. #lifelessons

Adulting? Mostly.

This week I:

• Started a novel
• Went on a 1st date
• Hit the gym hard
• Got a massage
• Got asked on a 2nd date
• Lowered my car insurance (this is a huge deal)
• Had a lunch date with my mom
• Vaccuumed
• Got groceries (still delivery, let’s not get too excited)
• Made it to work early every day
• Actually wore lipstick to work
• Made my bed every day
• Finished said novel
• Didn’t forget one coffee date or appointment
• Packed food every day for work
• Started a second novel

This week I did not:

• Do laundry
• Unload the dishwasher
• Get my oil changed
• Make it to the gym as often as I would have liked
• stop listening to Imagine Dragons (I know I’m behind the times)

Success?

Space is fascinating.

So, I was thinking yesterday. Well, I think all the time. But yesterday I got to thinking about dreams, and lately I’ve been contemplating the whole creator of the universe thing, and what I believe, and I haven’t really figured out anything concrete there. But it made me consider parallel universes, which, to be honest (in my opinion) it would be really arrogant and small-minded to think we’re the only planet in infinity to have life on it. I mean, infinity is, by definition, unable to be measured. It goes forever. So, it would make logical sense to me anyway that there is a better than even chance that somewhere out there is another planet like this one. So THEN (stay with me here) I got to thinking about those dreams that I have that feel SO real that when I wake up I’m sure they happened, only to find out they didn’t. I’m not talking about dreams where ya know, you’re riding around a chocolate river on a giant swan named Clem. Like, where you’re in a situation and you make a different choice. OR when you’re going about your day and you have a feeling of deja vu – maybe that’s just a glimpse into one of those parallel universes. I dunno. I can get pretty out there. It’s just amazing to think about.

Woo boy. I’m sure you all think I’m pretty crazy now, if you didn’t before. That’s ok. I manage to appear somewhat normal some of the time.

Speaking of the universe, did you hear about Pluto? It’s AWESOME.

So. Much. Detail.

I tried making my workspace more ergonomically friendly yesterday. So, I put my monitors up on boxes and raised my chair up. I dunno if that’ll make a difference, but it freed up some desk space. So, I’ve got that going for me.

I haven’t been to the gym since Thursday and I really don’t like that I can’t go until tomorrow. But, Sing Omaha Women’s choir had a performance about 1.5 hours away from home last night and we rocked. The acoustics in the room were pretty outstanding. Just a very long day.

Do you ever look at the sunrise or sunset and think about the fact that the sun isn’t rising or setting at all? The earth is moving, not the sun. So, by words, the sun isn’t rising or setting at all. I mean, the sun is moving, because we’re all rocketing through space. But, you know what I mean.

It’s hot everywhere and I get that. I was combating that by hanging out poolside on Sunday, and I got cooked to a crisp. So now I’m combating sunburn and heat by wearing dresses to work. No, random person in the hallway, I do not have an interview. I have a strong desire to not put on pants. TMI? Well? You brought it up.

I’m not a doctor! (Not relevant)

It was legitimately cool last night. In July! That’s crazy talk.

I’ve got at least 2 unfinished projects I’d like to complete before school starts in August. They’re not difficult, I don’t know why I don’t just do them. Procrastination! *sigh*

I got flowers at work today! I can’t remember if I’ve ever gotten flowers at the office before. I don’t think I have. They smell great, they’re beautiful, and I’m so grateful. My parents are the coolest.

So, I was thinking about Interstellar, when they *spoiler* go to the planet where Matt Damon is and start preparing to colonize it. He talks about the surface below. And I just wondered, why the hell wouldn’t he be living on said surface? Why didn’t that trip any flags for those guys? Desperation? Perhaps. Still love that movie though.

Speaking of movies with Matt Damon and space, I saw the preview for Martian and it looks really good. I’ll be seeing that.

Push-ups are no joke. The exercise, not the dessert. Although…

Trying to relearn everything I know about food is crazy. Planning trips to the grocery store and rethinking what to eat at each meal is proving to be a challenge. I’m up for it, but it’s a lot to handle.

I’m grateful today that I know I never have to be alone. There was a time in my life when it felt like I was in a big dark cave, unable to see the walls and the ceiling because it was so dark, and lonely, and isolated. I’m so glad my life is full today. I have some of the best friends and family I could ever have, which is more than I deserve. I am shown every day how lucky I am. I know I got all sappy – I’ll try to get back to regular programming.

I think I have 3 separate piles of clothes that need addressing at my house. One needs folded, one needs ‘fluffed’ and one needs washed. I feel like I’ve been behind ever since I’ve been back. Maybe this weekend I’ll catch up. *please note, this is said with extreme optimism*

Help.

I have two big pet peeves at work. Ready? 1) fingernail clipping. That is clearly a grooming issue that should be addressed at home. I get the occasional hangnail, but every finger? Come on. 2) Loud ringtones of pop songs. Look, I get it. My ringtone is the theme to Harry Potter. I’m a big dork, just like everyone else. But it’s hard for a VP to take me seriously if Katy Perry’s Roar plays full blast while I’m on the phone.

I have colored pencils and a therapy coloring book at home – it’s a great way to unplug and decompress. Highly recommend.

Hollabackatcha

How does one decide to go into the wig business? Ya don’t see wig stores very often, do you? I don’t. Is it a family business?

There is haze in my town, in the Midwest, from wildfires in Canada. That’s pretty crazy.

Snapchat is so dumb yet I love it so much. I get goofy pictures from my friends throughout the day that break up an otherwise potentially boring/stressful/monotonous day.

Venus and Jupiter are putting on a show tonight. You should check it out. Space is cool.

I wish there were a trial period for new pillows. Like, hey, this looked good in the store, but 2 days with it and my neck feels like death. But no, I tried returning a pillow and was declined. So, I have a growing assortment of decorative pillows because of the fails that I’ve tried.

It is getting outta control. (Note: this is a google image and not my actual pillow pile)

Sometimes, like today, my coffee needs coffee.

You ever look at your calendar and think, man this month looks pretty open, and then 3 days later there are things going on like, every day? I’m glad school doesn’t start until the end of August. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful my life is full. But the struggle after work between napping and the gym is real. (I brought gym clothes with me to work to combat having to go home to change and falling on the couch instead, however I’m debating.)

Coming in to the office and complaining before your ass hits your seat is generally not a great way to start the day, for anyone. #headphonesforthewin

I drove the nicest BMW this weekend. And now I know what my goal is for my next vehicle.

Sometimes adulting is lame – I want to run through the sprinklers and eat pb & j wrapped in a towel with grass in my feet. (I get that I can do that, but I want to do it right now, rather than be at work, see, there’s the dilemma)

Cereal is one of the best things ever.

I read an article yesterday about 15 things grocery stores do to trap you there and make you spend more money, only fueling my hatred of the grocery store.

I’m finally joining this century and purchasing a blu-ray player with wi-fi access. Meaning I can go from my Roku and DVD player to one device that does all streaming, DVD and Blu-Ray in one spot. Next purchase will be new surround sound. And someday, a newer TV. One thing at a time.

My title is a Psych reference. Just, for the record.

Thunderstorms are the best alarm clock.

My trip was empowering. I came back with some self-respect, so that’s new. I dig it.

So it’s mid-week back at work. I’ve been busy, clearly, but I’ve also been to work early. I think I had an almost imperceptible mind-shift regarding life in general.

James Horner died in a plane crash this week. It is a huge loss to the world – he wrote beautiful music. I have many of his in my collection – Avatar and Braveheart and Field of Dreams, An American Tale, The Land Before Time (one of my favs), Glory, The Man Without a Face, of course Titanic, Hocus Pocus, Apollo 13, Jumanji, and so so many others. It was shocking when I heard. He will truly be missed. He definitely left a legacy.

What is it about working out that is so great? I just love it. I also love cookies, so…

It still amazes me that one small thing can cause a flood of memories and a punch in the heart region. I try really hard to just move past that nostalgia – it’s easy to remember things through rose-colored glasses and forget the not-so-great times.

It’s also easy to feel lonely when someone you used to spend time with has found someone new. (Don’t forget, you may see me as an independent world-traveler with amazing friends and family and several hobbies that I enjoy, but I’m also a girl who wants to share her life with someone)

Moving on – I’m trying to decide where my next trip is going to be. Yes, of course I am. Greece? Not until they figure out their whole economic situation. Australia? Sydney maybe – always wanted to go there too. (Crocodile Dundee was a staple in my childhood) I’d love to go to Portugal, and of course Scotland/England/Wales. Clearly I want to go to all the places. Maybe I should stay stateside and just go to southern California or Maine. Both places I have never been but want to see. All in good time.

Who was the one that figured out how to fold two sheets and two pillow cases into a little rectangle for convenient packaging? Seriously. It’s like voodoo.

Seriously.

Someone compared their brain to a Rubik’s cube last night and I have to say I totally relate.

My cat chases my shadow and I find it quite hilarious. I’ll have to post a video sometime. I try to think of things to make me smile when I am thinking negatively and that one usually does the trick. Also, Avengers.

Ya know, also, I’m getting real tired of letting people make me feel stupid. I get to choose how I react to things. I don’t like being demeaned, as no one probably does. The difference is I don’t have to tolerate being treated that way, by anyone. I just have to figure out how to react with assertion and not aggression or defense.

Kind of a weird, all over post today. But that’s just where I am.

One more note, if you like movie soundtracks as I clearly do, check out Many Beautiful Things – the soundtrack is by Sleeping At Last and it’s fabulous.

Check it out.

This post is a good example of my brain = Rubik’s cube.

Friday has never taken so long.

I’d like to just point out how absolutely annoying click-bait articles are. You know the ones…

“Child gets insulted in front of class, you’ll NEVER believe what happened next!!”

I rarely, if ever, click on those articles. One, the title is usually misleading. Two, the sources are rarely credible. Three, the whole point of phrasing the article that way is to make people click on the actual site, which generates more “clicks” which I’m sure leads to more money. I get that websites need to make money. But what happened to creative journalism? What happened to having to think up an attention-grabbing article that was a quick summary of the story? I’m not saying it’s ineffective, because that’s not true. It’s very effective, people share those articles all over Facebook. I just think it’s lazy, and incredibly annoying. Maybe that’s me being stubborn, and if so I’m fine with that. Just write a freaking article that is creative and informative and well sourced. Too much to ask? Apparently!

Moving right along…my coworker made me cake for my last day before vacation/early birthday celebration! That was very nice. It’s nice to share that with others – brings comraderie around the cubicles. That being said, I’ve had a healthy serving of that and half a donut already today. So, I’m finally having real food and am grateful for continuously working out. I had considered taking the gym day off but now I may not be able to justify it. We’ll see.

that + whipped cream = dump cake. so good.

I’m slowly chipping away at my list of things to accomplish. People keep saying I’m going to find a fine Irishman and stay there. My boss actually called me Becky McGuillicuddy today. The thing is, I’m not going for anyone or anything but me and myself, because I’m a big nerd and I want to do what I want, when I want. (Don’t worry, I’m coming home. I can tell, you were worried.)

This sums up how I feel about today quite nicely.

I hate when I’m the last person to reply in a group text message. Like, someone else please contribute. Pls.

Isn’t it 3 already?

Thurrrrrrrsday (I’m really bad at titles you guys)

So, fun fact. If you start a blog post and then close out of chrome, it does not automatically save in your drafts folder, or in your history, or in your trash folder, or anywhere else humanly possible. Had some gems in that one, will try to recreate, will probably fail.

My work put in automatic paper towel dispensers a few months ago. I have to admit that every time I motion to both the machines and take two paper towels I feel like a rebel. What is the point of going to that? Spending money to install all new dispensers in all the bathrooms, and for what, to regulate how many paper towels we use? Well I’ll SHOW YOU! I’ll take TWO every time! Stickin’ it to the man.

Leg day at the gym today so ask me how I’m feeling on Saturday. This will be my answer.

Lunch with my mom today was fun, as usual. We laugh a lot. She got me a cute little jewelry case for travel.

I watched Steel Magnolias for the first time last night. It was pretty good, but I always think of questions at times when it is inappropriate to ask questions. A child is screaming/crying, and pointing out the front door of the house. Like, screaming bloody murder. How does a director get a child to do such a thing? Take away his toy like a villain and run out the front door so the kid has a tantrum? I’d think that’d be a horrible way to do business. Also, I think of things like, was Julia Roberts actually sleeping when she was in the hospital bed? I can’t imagine so, but her eyeballs didn’t move at all – when I close my eyes and I’m not tired it’s work to keep them closed. My brain. You’re welcome.

I wonder if my cats will be glad when I come home. I realize I haven’t left yet but I know how excited dogs are when you get back from vacation for that long so I just wonder if cats will be.

I’m finding it difficult to focus at work. I am trying. I have one more workday and then I’m off for 14 days. That hasn’t happened in a very long time. I can’t wait!