Friday took forever to get here.

What if what I think is random isn’t so random?

Do you do things you don’t want to do because you know that even if you don’t want to it’s the right thing to do? Adulting.

I am surprised that I am apprehensive to go on vacation tomorrow considering I already traveled alone much further away, but I suppose it’s healthy to be a little afraid. Right? RIGHT?

I am looking forward to reading a lot.

How does one figure out what to write about? Just, generally speaking. Generally.

It’s funny, I see a list of movies that are leaving Netflix and I’m outraged that I didn’t even know some of them were AVAILABLE on Netflix and then I remember I watch the same 2 or 3 shows all the time and consider the fact that maybe I need to branch out more.

If I want to travel internationally again next year, I should start figuring out where I want to go now. Or soon-ish.

Figuring out who I am, what I like and what I want, and learning how to speak up and voice all of that, has been a terrifying and also quite rewarding experience. I get to exercise my right to say yes, and to say no, and deal with whatever the fallout is from those actions. I get to choose. It’s cool. I realize that speaking your mind and saying no when you don’t want to do something or yes when you do may not be new for a lot of people. It is new for me. I’m liking it a lot.

Tattoo in Florida? Mayyyyybe….

I’m not a doctor! (Not relevant)

It was legitimately cool last night. In July! That’s crazy talk.

I’ve got at least 2 unfinished projects I’d like to complete before school starts in August. They’re not difficult, I don’t know why I don’t just do them. Procrastination! *sigh*

I got flowers at work today! I can’t remember if I’ve ever gotten flowers at the office before. I don’t think I have. They smell great, they’re beautiful, and I’m so grateful. My parents are the coolest.

So, I was thinking about Interstellar, when they *spoiler* go to the planet where Matt Damon is and start preparing to colonize it. He talks about the surface below. And I just wondered, why the hell wouldn’t he be living on said surface? Why didn’t that trip any flags for those guys? Desperation? Perhaps. Still love that movie though.

Speaking of movies with Matt Damon and space, I saw the preview for Martian and it looks really good. I’ll be seeing that.

Push-ups are no joke. The exercise, not the dessert. Although…

Trying to relearn everything I know about food is crazy. Planning trips to the grocery store and rethinking what to eat at each meal is proving to be a challenge. I’m up for it, but it’s a lot to handle.

I’m grateful today that I know I never have to be alone. There was a time in my life when it felt like I was in a big dark cave, unable to see the walls and the ceiling because it was so dark, and lonely, and isolated. I’m so glad my life is full today. I have some of the best friends and family I could ever have, which is more than I deserve. I am shown every day how lucky I am. I know I got all sappy – I’ll try to get back to regular programming.

I think I have 3 separate piles of clothes that need addressing at my house. One needs folded, one needs ‘fluffed’ and one needs washed. I feel like I’ve been behind ever since I’ve been back. Maybe this weekend I’ll catch up. *please note, this is said with extreme optimism*

Help.

I have two big pet peeves at work. Ready? 1) fingernail clipping. That is clearly a grooming issue that should be addressed at home. I get the occasional hangnail, but every finger? Come on. 2) Loud ringtones of pop songs. Look, I get it. My ringtone is the theme to Harry Potter. I’m a big dork, just like everyone else. But it’s hard for a VP to take me seriously if Katy Perry’s Roar plays full blast while I’m on the phone.

I have colored pencils and a therapy coloring book at home – it’s a great way to unplug and decompress. Highly recommend.

Thurrrrrrrsday (I’m really bad at titles you guys)

So, fun fact. If you start a blog post and then close out of chrome, it does not automatically save in your drafts folder, or in your history, or in your trash folder, or anywhere else humanly possible. Had some gems in that one, will try to recreate, will probably fail.

My work put in automatic paper towel dispensers a few months ago. I have to admit that every time I motion to both the machines and take two paper towels I feel like a rebel. What is the point of going to that? Spending money to install all new dispensers in all the bathrooms, and for what, to regulate how many paper towels we use? Well I’ll SHOW YOU! I’ll take TWO every time! Stickin’ it to the man.

Leg day at the gym today so ask me how I’m feeling on Saturday. This will be my answer.

Lunch with my mom today was fun, as usual. We laugh a lot. She got me a cute little jewelry case for travel.

I watched Steel Magnolias for the first time last night. It was pretty good, but I always think of questions at times when it is inappropriate to ask questions. A child is screaming/crying, and pointing out the front door of the house. Like, screaming bloody murder. How does a director get a child to do such a thing? Take away his toy like a villain and run out the front door so the kid has a tantrum? I’d think that’d be a horrible way to do business. Also, I think of things like, was Julia Roberts actually sleeping when she was in the hospital bed? I can’t imagine so, but her eyeballs didn’t move at all – when I close my eyes and I’m not tired it’s work to keep them closed. My brain. You’re welcome.

I wonder if my cats will be glad when I come home. I realize I haven’t left yet but I know how excited dogs are when you get back from vacation for that long so I just wonder if cats will be.

I’m finding it difficult to focus at work. I am trying. I have one more workday and then I’m off for 14 days. That hasn’t happened in a very long time. I can’t wait!

Jumanji!

Do you find yourself trying to do daily activities and struggling, and then suffering embarrassment when someone notices? Monday I was trying to get a paper towel to dry my hands in the bathroom, and I could not get it. It was a brand new roll and someone squeezed that sucker onto the roller and there was clearly no room for the roll to roll. Anyway, I think I may have whimpered a little bit trying to pry the paper towel off, right as another woman walked in. I promptly left the bathroom. With wet hands. I should’ve waited to see how she handled the situation. That probably would’ve been creepier.

I had lunch with my dad yesterday- that was fun. Then I spilled pizza down my shirt. That was not as much fun.

Tell me this. Why is it that when someone sneaks up on someone else in a movie with a weapon, like say, Phil Coulson sneaks up on Loki in the Avengers, why do they always talk first? I mean, I get it. You have something clever or witty to say. Shoot them, and then say your piece. I mean, it’s a classic mistake.

I did not sleep well last night. My brain would not shut down. It was apparently on overdrive, and I couldn’t get comfortable. It was one of those mornings where I was conscious, just waiting for the alarm to go off. Given that, I got to work really early. So, bonus?

I laugh at the same jokes in movies almost every time, or at least smile in appreciation. I am a rewatcher of movies. I guess I just don’t always want to take the chance of watching something new and having it be terrible. Every once in a while I break out, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched some of my favorites. I know all the lines, I know the jokes when they’re coming, and I am still amused. For what it’s worth, don’t try that in real life. If you tell me the same joke every day, there will come a point where I will give you a death stare and walk away before you finish. It does not translate to real life.

Speaking of movies, I can’t wait for Jurassic World. Judge all you want, it looks fantastic.

I have started preliminary packing. Laying things out, etc. I have a birthday to celebrate a bit on Saturday so I have a feeling Sunday is going to be a mad dash to get everything. I can’t figure out if I’m going to under-pack or over-pack. I’m trying not to panic but I’m freaking out a little bit. I need to make a new checklist.

People never cease to amaze me.

Sounds silly, but I was in bed and the cats jumped up last night, and I realized that I’m going to miss them. I’m such a softie. I mean, I know they’ll be fine, but 10 days without someone with them overnight is a long time. I’m lucky I have friends who are willing to come over and spend time with them. They’ve been my comfort and entertainment for the past 7 years, it’s amazing how much a person can love a pet.

(I made a new checklist. I already feel better)

Hello

I can’t walk into the break room and NOT hit stop on a microwave if they have extra time on them.

The movie You’ve Got Mail is full of obsolete references. Book stores are a thing of the past anymore (I think Barnes and Noble is holding on by a thread) and I’m not sure of the numbers but I’d guess that AOL usage has dropped significantly as well. (I still love that movie, Meg Ryan’s hair was outstanding)

Do you ever drive and wonder where the other people are driving to? I like to imagine that someone driving way too fast weaving through traffic is speeding to get a hospital to see the birth of a baby or something. It lessens the incredulity I feel.

I am always amazed at how people come into my life at the exact moment I need them.

Something I have learned is that most of the time, I just don’t really care if you like me or not, which is a far cry from where I was a few years ago. It’s not that I behave badly and don’t care. I take principled actions and do the best I can with what I have, and I try to just do the next right thing in front of me, whatever that is. Sometimes I’m more successful at that than others. It’s just that, I know now that I will not be friends with everyone in the universe, and that’s ok. There are people that I don’t like. I respect them, and I can appreciate what they do as far as their career or their goal to help people or whatever the case may be, but I don’t like them. So I should expect the same goes for me. There’s a freedom in not freaking out about making sure everyone wants to be my friend.

Bagged wet grass has to be one of the worst smelling things on the planet. Yuck.

On the other hand, a freshly mowed lawn is incredibly rewarding.

I tried cooking a roast in the slow cooker. It came out like a rock. However, the salsa chicken I made was on point. (I’ve been given instructions for when I attempt to cook a roast again)

There is nothing like waking up next to someone and being pulled into a morning cuddle.

Cleaning out my house of all the things I don’t wear/won’t use anymore is like losing a hundred pounds. Seriously, the previously unusable third bedroom at my house is now clean, arranged, smells like sage and citrus (one of my favorites) and has become my yoga/stretching/work-out room. I love it.

At this point in my life, when I have things to do it is harder to nap. I get this tight, anxious feeling in my chest which is not conducive to sleeping.

(p.s. I’m definitely changing the title of this to Random Musings)

Turn down the volume please.

Sometimes I forget I have freckles. Then someone points them out and I’m instantly self-conscious about them.

Amazon Prime now has streaming music and that’s awesome.

I slammed my head into my freezer door handle yesterday and now I can’t raise my eyebrows without pain. Which is too bad, because I’ve come to realize I raise my eyebrows a lot, generally speaking. (update: my head really hurts)

Why is going to the movie theater so appealing? I mean, thankfully the past few times I have gone, it has been at down times crowd-wise so the theater has been quiet, but the movie costs a small fortune with popcorn and soda. Thankfully I have a student ID, but still.

The feeling of love, loving someone and being loved, is intoxicating. It is therapeutic on a sad day. It is light in the darkness. I am surrounded by family and friends that love me and allow me to love them. It’s an amazing thing.

What deems a handbag worthy of costing so much damn money? Seriously? $495 for a purse? Think of all the gas tanks and bills that would cover! And Chipotle! (Apparently I am what you call ‘low maintenance’ which sounds like a negative thing but I think it’s probably ok)

I don’t get why businesses give out little to no sick time for employees to take. I mean, logically I understand it costs money to either pay them to be gone or to not pay them to be gone but to be down a body – however – isn’t it appropriate to keep sickness away from infecting other people in the workforce? Seriously.

Seriously. Fingernail clipping at work has got to stop. Every snip sends shivers down my spine.

What is it about the sunshine makes everything more enjoyable?

I find that often I am in the middle of a situation and I have no idea how I got there. Usually work related. I’ll find myself on a call wondering how it is that I was brought into the discussion in the first place. I tend to solidify my place fairly quickly but it is a strange occurrence.

Life

Remember how I’m trying to grow a plant in my cubicle? I know it’s only been a week but I’m not seeing any roots yet and fear that Arty is not going to make it. Cross your fingers.

How is it that I can completely forget events going on that I’ve been preparing for months for? My orchestra concert is this weekend. THIS WEEKEND! Tonight is my last orchestra rehearsal! That’s kinda sad. I’m grateful for the experience though. It’s been wonderful.

Who thought trampolines were a good idea, ever? I mean really? They’re death traps. (I may or may not have injured myself on one yesterday) My point is – what was the original purpose of a trampoline? Who decided it would be a good idea to stretch that material on springs and jump on it? I’m guessing for science. But I do not know.

Do people who have automatic lights on their cars just assume that if they don’t come on automatically they aren’t necessary? It’s been rainy and gloomy here all week. Turn on your lights people. I pulled out onto a main street thinking I had all kinds of time only to see a camouflaged car at the last second. I had to hit the gas like mad, in the rain, over train tracks. I checked my rear-view a few times and they finally turned their lights on about 2 blocks down the road. Seriously?

Why is it that I struggle with asking people to come support me in the things that I am passionate about? I always feel like it’s an inconvenience or that I shouldn’t be proud of what I’m doing. That has to be something deep within myself, something about people pleasing that I don’t want to invite people to come to my performances because I don’t want to take the chance that they might not enjoy it or they might get bored. Which is dumb, because I’ve gone to things I didn’t want to go to in the spirit of supporting the people I care about. Why shouldn’t I give other people the opportunity to do the same? Life is challenging.

So in the movie Avatar (which I may or may not have watched last night) I am curious, did Jake’s human body get tired while he was running around in his Na’vi body? Or were they completely separate? I mean I know he needed to sleep after, but was he physically exhausted? (note: I had forgotten how good that movie was) Did you know they’re making a sequel? Split into 3 movies? I KNOW. It’s very exciting.

Also, I love the idea of energy flowing through all things, and the line in the movie about how everything is made up of borrowed energy…

“She talks about a network of energy that flows through all living things. All energy is only borrowed. And one day you have to give it back.”

I think that’s a beautiful way to view the universe.

Super Powers.

It seems to be a peculiar twist of fate that it is 80 in Denver today and Thursday when I drive out it’s going to be 40 with a wintery mix.

I love and hate hashtags. #justsayin

If you had to pick, telepathy or mind-control? The differences are subtle but important. I love thinking about superpowers. Sometimes I look at the list of superpowers online and wonder what it would be like to have each of them. Some I’d prefer over others. What, you don’t do that? You should.

What is it about being behind the wheel of a vehicle that gives people the impression that they can behave like complete assholes and it’s acceptable? (yes, I am including myself in that)

Headaches. Amirite? I mean, come on.

For the record, I hate that I can take any small situation that almost certainly has nothing to do with me and turn it into something about me. The only way I can get away from worrying about the unknown is by getting busy helping other people. Or getting immersed in a hobby. Or napping.

What is the proper etiquette if, when buying tickets for a movie and seeing said movie alone, the only seat is paired with another solo movie-goer? I mean, first of all, thanks a lot Twin Creek for making single people everywhere have to deal with this decision in the first place. Secondly, I’m not going to NOT see a movie just because that’s the only seat left. So, should I pull the armrest down and pretend like the person next to me does not exist? Reach my hand out and say hello?

“Hey, so this is super awkward, but we’re stuck next to each other for the next two hours so let’s at least acknowledge that we exist.”

I dunno. My solution so far has been when attending the movies alone, to go to theaters further away from my place without assigned seating. The drive, so far, has been worth the peace of mind.

Why is it so hard to ask for help? In anything really. Is it ego? Fear? Embarrassment? Weakness? Old ideas shaping present actions? I figured that as I did it more, it’d get easier. So far that has not been the case.

I purchased my passport today. I’m going to Ireland in June for my 30th birthday. I don’t think I’ve mentioned that. It’s incredibly exciting and also brings with it a whole different line of questions. What is the best way to access my money? I don’t drink – will people be offended if I don’t drink when I have a meal? How am I going to get from the train station to the bed and breakfast? What happens if I get pick-pocketed? Will people talk to me at pubs if I don’t drink? (Seriously, I’d like to meet new people but I know that ‘buying rounds’ for friends is huge there and considered an insult if you leave without buying one for everyone else, even if you turn down the offers for yourself)

Interstellar has arrived. I love that movie. I’m going to go watch it now. You should too.