Friday.

Sometimes when I drive, I have something in my passenger seat like a card or a book, or something else trivial that I certainly don’t need while I’m paying attention to the road, and I’ll make a turn, and said item will go flying off the seat and I react as if it’s fallen into some abyss never to be seen again. Usually grumbling some profanity at the same time. I did this the other day and realized what an overreaction it was. Like, it’ll be there when I park the car.

I’m finding tattoo ideas quicker than I can save money to get them.

Going with the car theme, sneezing in the car is one of the most terrifying things ever. I mean, I know that your eyes only close for half a second, but a lot can happen in a half a second! And there’s NO control over it.

I was surprised to hear that someone is inspired by me. It is flattering, and it’s an honor, but I immediately wonder why. I just imagine all the things that make me so so awkward. I trip over myself constantly, I suffer from crippling self-doubt and insecurity, sometimes I stutter on the phone when I’m trying to run a call and I have a knack for letting things go bad in the fridge. I take an excessive amount of pictures of my cats and I listen to the same music and watch the same shows/movies over and over. I spend an inappropriate amount of time in Walgreen’s trying to decide on new body wash and have almost no impulse control when it comes to Amazon online shopping. I’m just saying. I’m grateful that we as people see things in others that they don’t often see.

When someone says, you really look like you need to have that cup of coffee, is that a veiled way of saying good lord you look tired? I think it might be. That’s ok, it’s probably true. Also, I do need this cup of coffee.

Doing laundry yesterday, I was so proud of myself for getting everything in one load that I didn’t think about whether or not I should’ve. Folding it will be a nightmare. Notice I said will be, because I certainly didn’t do it yesterday.

Sometimes when I hear people sigh, I wonder if it’s a sigh because they’re frustrated, or angry, or remembering something fondly, or if they just really needed to take a big deep breath. I sometimes take deep breaths because it feels good to breathe in as deeply as I can and exhale audibly. I can’t help it. It feels nice. You should try it.

Isn’t it amazing how a person can be in the periphery of your life, and then all of a sudden, they radiate so brightly that you can’t help but notice who they are and what they do and how they make you feel? Friend, coworker, significant other, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes a person just illuminates my life, and I’m tuned in enough these days to notice when they shine. I think that’s wonderful.

I am getting closer to perfecting the pan-cooked steak. I know.

What a hiatus!

I have not been around these parts in a minute! I’ve been using another medium to blog about some things near and dear that I don’t necessarily need everyone to know about but have to work through. With that, plus school, meetings, work, standing appointments, choir, orchestra, and dating, I’ve been incredibly busy.

Crazy how life gets good isn’t it?

Have you ever taken into consideration the random articles found on the roadways? I’m curious. I mentioned this on my Facebook, seeing a random shoe in the median. The responses were varied – some wondered, like me, if a person was so angry that throwing a shoe out of the window was the only natural response. Others thought that perhaps something terrible happened. One person said a ‘friend of hers’ thought that it was proof of an alien abduction. But I mean, I have seen some weird things on the roadside. Baby seat. Couch. Couch cushion. Bookshelf. Shoe. Backpack. I can’t imagine that all of these things bounced out of the back of a truck.

Sometimes I look at pictures of space, and of Earth, and of our Universe and I just get overwhelmed. Does that ever happen to you with anything? I just think about our planets in orbit around the sun, and how incredible it is that such a thing exists at all, and how so many things happen in such a big world that is actually tiny in comparison to the solar system it resides in while hurtling through space. Sometimes it’s a challenge for me to wrap my mind around the god thing, but when I think of all this, I’m convinced that the name doesn’t matter – there’s something out there bigger than me and I’m grateful.

Think about weather, and tides, and how plants and humans help each other out, and tell me that it wasn’t by design. Now look, I’m a firm believer in science and I’m not saying that the world was created in “7 days” by a supreme being. I don’t think there’s a puppet master pulling strings. What I am saying is that it isn’t just coincidence that humans breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide, and that plants absorb carbon dioxide and emit oxygen. That’s one of many examples that I could provide, but I think at this point I’m starting to ramble. It’s just powerful stuff.

I’m *this* close to home-ownership again! Also *this* close to being done with class for the semester. Orchestra concert was Sunday and went off well. I had a few people in the audience this time which was pretty cool. Choir concert is in a month. Closing date for the house would be in a month. I’m dating a neat guy. I’m doing personal training at the gym, I’m sponsoring a gal who seems to really be trying, I’m participating in service commitments…

Basically what I’m saying is I’m so busy I think that sometimes I skate by on adrenaline and caffeine alone. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I have a few friends who openly protest Thanksgiving, stating that America is celebrating genocide of the Native American population, and I know there are many others who believe that way. Lots of protests by Native American tribes take place on Thanksgiving. On the other hand, many Native Americans are supportive of Thanksgiving, as the main purpose of the day is to give thanks to whatever you believe in for the things we have in life. I think initially it was a day of thanks for the first successful harvest. Of course, there are those who will say history has been changed and what the books say does not accurately reflect what really happened. I guess we’ll never know for sure.What I love is that everyone is entitled to believe what they want. As long as you don’t force your beliefs on me, we’re good.

That being said, I love Thanksgiving, with all of the drama of trying to get the food prepared at the same time, making sure the potatoes aren’t too lumpy or too smooth. I swear, someday I’m going to master what ‘until it looks right’ means when my mom tells me to add milk to the potatoes. I like looking at ads at what I’d buy if I had all the money in the world or the bravery to try to shop on Black Friday. I like having football on the TV while we nap, going to the meeting, playing games, eating pie. What I really want to do that I have never done is see the lighting ceremony in our downtown area. I am hoping I can this year. I’ve been here 30 years and never experienced it. I mean I’ve seen the lights. I just haven’t seen them light up for the first time. Ya get me.

Wow. This thing is all over the place. Well, kinda like my brain I guess. You’re welcome.

Friday took forever to get here.

What if what I think is random isn’t so random?

Do you do things you don’t want to do because you know that even if you don’t want to it’s the right thing to do? Adulting.

I am surprised that I am apprehensive to go on vacation tomorrow considering I already traveled alone much further away, but I suppose it’s healthy to be a little afraid. Right? RIGHT?

I am looking forward to reading a lot.

How does one figure out what to write about? Just, generally speaking. Generally.

It’s funny, I see a list of movies that are leaving Netflix and I’m outraged that I didn’t even know some of them were AVAILABLE on Netflix and then I remember I watch the same 2 or 3 shows all the time and consider the fact that maybe I need to branch out more.

If I want to travel internationally again next year, I should start figuring out where I want to go now. Or soon-ish.

Figuring out who I am, what I like and what I want, and learning how to speak up and voice all of that, has been a terrifying and also quite rewarding experience. I get to exercise my right to say yes, and to say no, and deal with whatever the fallout is from those actions. I get to choose. It’s cool. I realize that speaking your mind and saying no when you don’t want to do something or yes when you do may not be new for a lot of people. It is new for me. I’m liking it a lot.

Tattoo in Florida? Mayyyyybe….

Vaca brain

Do you believe in personality quizzes? Have you ever taken any and thought wow, that is spot on? I have. When I answer truthfully I am always surprised at how accurate my results can be. Is it because you see what you want to see in the results? I dunno. Interesting though.

If you could go anywhere alone, where would you go? I’m going to Florida this weekend and I couldn’t be more excited. I love traveling alone. I’m looking forward to ocean views and sand beneath my feet, and doing what I want, when I want.

Looking forward to some meditation and reading this weekend, along with some tasty foods and great photo ops. Now to find my camera…

It’s tattoo time, speaking of doing what I want when I want. I know, I’m ridiculous. I just love them so.

Do you ever think about how many different people there are in the world and how differently they all live their lives and perceive the things around them? Like, it’s no wonder communication is difficult. I love figuring out how people communicate and the mirroring it back to them. I just don’t know what to do with that skill set.

If you could be told what your purpose in life was, would you want to hear? I would.

Getting ahead on homework is a great feeling especially with a vaca coming up. So long suckers!

I’m really ready for the beach.

Mondays man.

How is it that people think a glade plug-in or some Febreze is going to cover the smell of cat pee? Like, really?

What is the point of a group project in an online class?

Can senioritis be a thing, even though I’ve been attending classes off and on for years? I am so close to being done that even the thought of reading the book is annoying.

How many houses on average does a person look at before purchasing – is there data mining for that type of information?

How does one find their dream job/career while also trying to live in the moment and not project into the future?

How am I supposed to wait until May of 2016 for the next Marvel movie? (Ant-Man was pretty sweet, for the record)

My new personal trainer is great, and here’s what I don’t understand – how can I be so funny and laid back with some people and with others I’m just completely tongue-tied? Is it because I “know” I’m not going to impress this kid so I don’t worry so much? I have no idea. It is baffling to me.

Why does time go by quicker on weekend days than it does on weekdays?

Apple Cinnamon Cheerios are a close second

In this day and age, where everyone has a camera and filters and everyone fancies themselves a photographer, is it a silly dream to want to be one? Not just a mediocre one, but a good one? Is it silly at 30 to finish one degree and start another that is completely different?

How is it that a plant can grow without soil?

It’s really true what they say, silence can absolutely be golden.

When you think about the universe, is it something that scares you or excites you?

I saw a truck on the interstate today that was carrying burial tombs. Not caskets. Like, full on tombs, decorated to the hilt. I didn’t even know there was a market for such a thing.

I feel like I’m wasting my life behind a desk doing a job that anyone could do, not really doing anything to benefit anyone else. It’s infuriating, to a degree, to realize that if I left, my presence would not be missed here. My circle of influence, for lack of a better term, is quite limited.

HyVee delivers groceries. It was a monumental day in my life once discovered. Yes, I used it. Yes, it was worth $4.95. Yes, I’ll do it again. I’m saving money by not going out to eat all the time, and I’ve got a variety of choices. It’s nice.

Sometimes people at work communicate in such a way that initially makes me bristle. Then I remember that it really doesn’t matter.

Golden Grahams might be the best cereal ever.

Space is fascinating.

So, I was thinking yesterday. Well, I think all the time. But yesterday I got to thinking about dreams, and lately I’ve been contemplating the whole creator of the universe thing, and what I believe, and I haven’t really figured out anything concrete there. But it made me consider parallel universes, which, to be honest (in my opinion) it would be really arrogant and small-minded to think we’re the only planet in infinity to have life on it. I mean, infinity is, by definition, unable to be measured. It goes forever. So, it would make logical sense to me anyway that there is a better than even chance that somewhere out there is another planet like this one. So THEN (stay with me here) I got to thinking about those dreams that I have that feel SO real that when I wake up I’m sure they happened, only to find out they didn’t. I’m not talking about dreams where ya know, you’re riding around a chocolate river on a giant swan named Clem. Like, where you’re in a situation and you make a different choice. OR when you’re going about your day and you have a feeling of deja vu – maybe that’s just a glimpse into one of those parallel universes. I dunno. I can get pretty out there. It’s just amazing to think about.

Woo boy. I’m sure you all think I’m pretty crazy now, if you didn’t before. That’s ok. I manage to appear somewhat normal some of the time.

Speaking of the universe, did you hear about Pluto? It’s AWESOME.

So. Much. Detail.

I tried making my workspace more ergonomically friendly yesterday. So, I put my monitors up on boxes and raised my chair up. I dunno if that’ll make a difference, but it freed up some desk space. So, I’ve got that going for me.

I haven’t been to the gym since Thursday and I really don’t like that I can’t go until tomorrow. But, Sing Omaha Women’s choir had a performance about 1.5 hours away from home last night and we rocked. The acoustics in the room were pretty outstanding. Just a very long day.

Do you ever look at the sunrise or sunset and think about the fact that the sun isn’t rising or setting at all? The earth is moving, not the sun. So, by words, the sun isn’t rising or setting at all. I mean, the sun is moving, because we’re all rocketing through space. But, you know what I mean.

It’s hot everywhere and I get that. I was combating that by hanging out poolside on Sunday, and I got cooked to a crisp. So now I’m combating sunburn and heat by wearing dresses to work. No, random person in the hallway, I do not have an interview. I have a strong desire to not put on pants. TMI? Well? You brought it up.

Thunderstorms are the best alarm clock.

My trip was empowering. I came back with some self-respect, so that’s new. I dig it.

So it’s mid-week back at work. I’ve been busy, clearly, but I’ve also been to work early. I think I had an almost imperceptible mind-shift regarding life in general.

James Horner died in a plane crash this week. It is a huge loss to the world – he wrote beautiful music. I have many of his in my collection – Avatar and Braveheart and Field of Dreams, An American Tale, The Land Before Time (one of my favs), Glory, The Man Without a Face, of course Titanic, Hocus Pocus, Apollo 13, Jumanji, and so so many others. It was shocking when I heard. He will truly be missed. He definitely left a legacy.

What is it about working out that is so great? I just love it. I also love cookies, so…

It still amazes me that one small thing can cause a flood of memories and a punch in the heart region. I try really hard to just move past that nostalgia – it’s easy to remember things through rose-colored glasses and forget the not-so-great times.

It’s also easy to feel lonely when someone you used to spend time with has found someone new. (Don’t forget, you may see me as an independent world-traveler with amazing friends and family and several hobbies that I enjoy, but I’m also a girl who wants to share her life with someone)

Moving on – I’m trying to decide where my next trip is going to be. Yes, of course I am. Greece? Not until they figure out their whole economic situation. Australia? Sydney maybe – always wanted to go there too. (Crocodile Dundee was a staple in my childhood) I’d love to go to Portugal, and of course Scotland/England/Wales. Clearly I want to go to all the places. Maybe I should stay stateside and just go to southern California or Maine. Both places I have never been but want to see. All in good time.

Who was the one that figured out how to fold two sheets and two pillow cases into a little rectangle for convenient packaging? Seriously. It’s like voodoo.

Seriously.

Someone compared their brain to a Rubik’s cube last night and I have to say I totally relate.

My cat chases my shadow and I find it quite hilarious. I’ll have to post a video sometime. I try to think of things to make me smile when I am thinking negatively and that one usually does the trick. Also, Avengers.

Ya know, also, I’m getting real tired of letting people make me feel stupid. I get to choose how I react to things. I don’t like being demeaned, as no one probably does. The difference is I don’t have to tolerate being treated that way, by anyone. I just have to figure out how to react with assertion and not aggression or defense.

Kind of a weird, all over post today. But that’s just where I am.

One more note, if you like movie soundtracks as I clearly do, check out Many Beautiful Things – the soundtrack is by Sleeping At Last and it’s fabulous.

Check it out.

This post is a good example of my brain = Rubik’s cube.

Zombie Apocalypse

Upon changing the theme of my blog, it became apparent to me that my entries are quite long. My bad.

I was walking into the office and saw a wooden baseball bat propped up in the back of a small truck and I have questions. Is it for actually playing the sport or is it a weapon? How often is it used? What prompted this person to keep it in the truck? Pick-up games of ball randomly on a Tuesday afternoon or being jumped in the parking lot of a 7/11?

Anyone I know who has traveled to Ireland says the people are all so nice. But then people who are from Ireland say the people are all shites. So, I’m intrigued.

Hearts worn on sleeves are rarely safe, but they’re honest.

What is it about people and food days at work? I mean, every group I’ve been in gets ecstatic over food days. Let’s have a monthly food day! (Please wash your hands before and during prep)

So I was walking back to the parking garage in midtown after watching a few episodes of The Walking Dead on Monday, and it was late, and everything was quiet, and all I could think about was what the place would look like if the zombie apocalypse actually happened. Do you think you’d fare well in the event that happened? I’m not so sure I would. I’d like to think I would. But I dunno. I’m kind of a wuss.

On that note, in Arizona there are some concrete houses built into the side of mountains. Steep mountains that only have one road and could probably have serious storage caves built into the side of said mountains to store food and water and non-perishables. I’m just saying I may have considered their value in the event of zombies when we visited last year.

Arizona was one of the most beautiful places in a very unique way. I’d love to go back.

Seriously. Zombie fortress.

Two in one Day? The Audacity.

Why are timpani players in orchestra always men over 50? (This is envy talking, I’m thrilled to be playing in orchestra at all but it seems the odds of me ever playing timpani again are not high)

I don’t get the motivation behind announcing the weather on social media. Then again, I posted a picture of a plant I’m trying to grow at work. So… there’s that.

Every time I try to make a recipe from my childhood, it pales in comparison to my memory. What’s with that?

Why do people prefer certain types of music? Is it based on early childhood exposure? Or more about what’s happened in life? Or is it something in our brains?

I struggle with telling people about things I do and enjoy. Like singing, or painting. I always have to set the standards really low by explaining how I’m not very good. What’s the deal with that?

I can get passionate about almost anything, and in no time at all. I can get to the middle of a heated discussion and realize I’m fervently talking about my parent’s old hand mixer in comparison to my new one that died after two uses. (Theirs are older than me and still working marvelously. Wtf?)

Does every person on this planet have a purpose? Like, a deep, to the core, purpose of the soul? If so, how does one access that info? Is there a secret trek I’m supposed to participate in?

The night sky is infinitely beautiful to me. I can get lost in the stars.

I’m going to enjoy orchestra rehearsal now. Jackson Berkey will be here and that’s exciting. We’re doing a world premier of one of his pieces which is an amazing opportunity I’m grateful to be part of. These are the types of gifts I’ve been given. My musings may seem as if I’m unhappy. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m quite thrilled with my life. I just find life itself intriguing.

P.s. my plant’s name is Arthur. But I say it with a British accent. It’s way more fun that way.

(Arthur)