What a hiatus!

I have not been around these parts in a minute! I’ve been using another medium to blog about some things near and dear that I don’t necessarily need everyone to know about but have to work through. With that, plus school, meetings, work, standing appointments, choir, orchestra, and dating, I’ve been incredibly busy.

Crazy how life gets good isn’t it?

Have you ever taken into consideration the random articles found on the roadways? I’m curious. I mentioned this on my Facebook, seeing a random shoe in the median. The responses were varied – some wondered, like me, if a person was so angry that throwing a shoe out of the window was the only natural response. Others thought that perhaps something terrible happened. One person said a ‘friend of hers’ thought that it was proof of an alien abduction. But I mean, I have seen some weird things on the roadside. Baby seat. Couch. Couch cushion. Bookshelf. Shoe. Backpack. I can’t imagine that all of these things bounced out of the back of a truck.

Sometimes I look at pictures of space, and of Earth, and of our Universe and I just get overwhelmed. Does that ever happen to you with anything? I just think about our planets in orbit around the sun, and how incredible it is that such a thing exists at all, and how so many things happen in such a big world that is actually tiny in comparison to the solar system it resides in while hurtling through space. Sometimes it’s a challenge for me to wrap my mind around the god thing, but when I think of all this, I’m convinced that the name doesn’t matter – there’s something out there bigger than me and I’m grateful.

Think about weather, and tides, and how plants and humans help each other out, and tell me that it wasn’t by design. Now look, I’m a firm believer in science and I’m not saying that the world was created in “7 days” by a supreme being. I don’t think there’s a puppet master pulling strings. What I am saying is that it isn’t just coincidence that humans breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide, and that plants absorb carbon dioxide and emit oxygen. That’s one of many examples that I could provide, but I think at this point I’m starting to ramble. It’s just powerful stuff.

I’m *this* close to home-ownership again! Also *this* close to being done with class for the semester. Orchestra concert was Sunday and went off well. I had a few people in the audience this time which was pretty cool. Choir concert is in a month. Closing date for the house would be in a month. I’m dating a neat guy. I’m doing personal training at the gym, I’m sponsoring a gal who seems to really be trying, I’m participating in service commitments…

Basically what I’m saying is I’m so busy I think that sometimes I skate by on adrenaline and caffeine alone. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I have a few friends who openly protest Thanksgiving, stating that America is celebrating genocide of the Native American population, and I know there are many others who believe that way. Lots of protests by Native American tribes take place on Thanksgiving. On the other hand, many Native Americans are supportive of Thanksgiving, as the main purpose of the day is to give thanks to whatever you believe in for the things we have in life. I think initially it was a day of thanks for the first successful harvest. Of course, there are those who will say history has been changed and what the books say does not accurately reflect what really happened. I guess we’ll never know for sure.What I love is that everyone is entitled to believe what they want. As long as you don’t force your beliefs on me, we’re good.

That being said, I love Thanksgiving, with all of the drama of trying to get the food prepared at the same time, making sure the potatoes aren’t too lumpy or too smooth. I swear, someday I’m going to master what ‘until it looks right’ means when my mom tells me to add milk to the potatoes. I like looking at ads at what I’d buy if I had all the money in the world or the bravery to try to shop on Black Friday. I like having football on the TV while we nap, going to the meeting, playing games, eating pie. What I really want to do that I have never done is see the lighting ceremony in our downtown area. I am hoping I can this year. I’ve been here 30 years and never experienced it. I mean I’ve seen the lights. I just haven’t seen them light up for the first time. Ya get me.

Wow. This thing is all over the place. Well, kinda like my brain I guess. You’re welcome.

Space is fascinating.

So, I was thinking yesterday. Well, I think all the time. But yesterday I got to thinking about dreams, and lately I’ve been contemplating the whole creator of the universe thing, and what I believe, and I haven’t really figured out anything concrete there. But it made me consider parallel universes, which, to be honest (in my opinion) it would be really arrogant and small-minded to think we’re the only planet in infinity to have life on it. I mean, infinity is, by definition, unable to be measured. It goes forever. So, it would make logical sense to me anyway that there is a better than even chance that somewhere out there is another planet like this one. So THEN (stay with me here) I got to thinking about those dreams that I have that feel SO real that when I wake up I’m sure they happened, only to find out they didn’t. I’m not talking about dreams where ya know, you’re riding around a chocolate river on a giant swan named Clem. Like, where you’re in a situation and you make a different choice. OR when you’re going about your day and you have a feeling of deja vu – maybe that’s just a glimpse into one of those parallel universes. I dunno. I can get pretty out there. It’s just amazing to think about.

Woo boy. I’m sure you all think I’m pretty crazy now, if you didn’t before. That’s ok. I manage to appear somewhat normal some of the time.

Speaking of the universe, did you hear about Pluto? It’s AWESOME.

So. Much. Detail.

I tried making my workspace more ergonomically friendly yesterday. So, I put my monitors up on boxes and raised my chair up. I dunno if that’ll make a difference, but it freed up some desk space. So, I’ve got that going for me.

I haven’t been to the gym since Thursday and I really don’t like that I can’t go until tomorrow. But, Sing Omaha Women’s choir had a performance about 1.5 hours away from home last night and we rocked. The acoustics in the room were pretty outstanding. Just a very long day.

Do you ever look at the sunrise or sunset and think about the fact that the sun isn’t rising or setting at all? The earth is moving, not the sun. So, by words, the sun isn’t rising or setting at all. I mean, the sun is moving, because we’re all rocketing through space. But, you know what I mean.

It’s hot everywhere and I get that. I was combating that by hanging out poolside on Sunday, and I got cooked to a crisp. So now I’m combating sunburn and heat by wearing dresses to work. No, random person in the hallway, I do not have an interview. I have a strong desire to not put on pants. TMI? Well? You brought it up.

there you are

Maybe I should rename this blog sporadic musings. That way I’m less likely to feel poorly if I don’t get to posting in a day.

I’m happy to report that Arthur is growing roots. I’m not ashamed to admit that I have no idea when there are enough to put him in a pot. We’re not even close yet, but that’ll be something to research.

People are amazing. In good ways and bad ways.

I hate Mondays. Not just because of the work week, but because the magic of the weekend seems to disappear completely once Monday morning rolls around. I hate that.

I LOVE a sunrise after a stormy night, when there are still some clouds in the sky, and it’s all grays and pinks. I’d love to figure out how to paint something like that.

Orchestra performance was yesterday afternoon and it was a full house. It was wonderful to be on stage. I hope I can continue to participate when their repertoire calls for percussion.

Why are people so afraid to talk? To just be open and honest? I understand the vulnerability there – but I can’t imagine that being vulnerable with a person would make them care about you less. I don’t know, I just don’t get it. I’m not saying we should all go blab our dirty laundry to every person we meet – trust is earned. But once that trust is established, what keeps people from being open? Fear?

I wonder what it feels like to float in space.

Fabric that stretches out after having pulled up my sleeves one time is quite annoying. Now I cannot pull my sleeves back down without looking like my forearms are swimming in a sea of holey blue fabric. (It is in this moment that I remember why I do not wear this sweater. It shall go to the Goodwill pile!)

I can crack my right thumb 2 or 3 times in a row, and I do it randomly throughout the day. I think it might be from texting. It’s incredibly satisfying when it cracks, but when I try and it doesn’t, I’m left with a discomfort that leads me to continue the attempt until it happens at least once. There’s something not right about that, I’d think. I’m weird. (It’s the only finger that does that too, btw)

Why is it so difficult to pay for things I need to, like the oil change my car is currently undergoing, or groceries, but it is so easy to pay for the things I want to, like energy drinks. Or shoes.

That whole ‘Treat people the way you want to be treated’ thing is on point.

Just how many types of apples are there? Seriously there are so many.

Life

Remember how I’m trying to grow a plant in my cubicle? I know it’s only been a week but I’m not seeing any roots yet and fear that Arty is not going to make it. Cross your fingers.

How is it that I can completely forget events going on that I’ve been preparing for months for? My orchestra concert is this weekend. THIS WEEKEND! Tonight is my last orchestra rehearsal! That’s kinda sad. I’m grateful for the experience though. It’s been wonderful.

Who thought trampolines were a good idea, ever? I mean really? They’re death traps. (I may or may not have injured myself on one yesterday) My point is – what was the original purpose of a trampoline? Who decided it would be a good idea to stretch that material on springs and jump on it? I’m guessing for science. But I do not know.

Do people who have automatic lights on their cars just assume that if they don’t come on automatically they aren’t necessary? It’s been rainy and gloomy here all week. Turn on your lights people. I pulled out onto a main street thinking I had all kinds of time only to see a camouflaged car at the last second. I had to hit the gas like mad, in the rain, over train tracks. I checked my rear-view a few times and they finally turned their lights on about 2 blocks down the road. Seriously?

Why is it that I struggle with asking people to come support me in the things that I am passionate about? I always feel like it’s an inconvenience or that I shouldn’t be proud of what I’m doing. That has to be something deep within myself, something about people pleasing that I don’t want to invite people to come to my performances because I don’t want to take the chance that they might not enjoy it or they might get bored. Which is dumb, because I’ve gone to things I didn’t want to go to in the spirit of supporting the people I care about. Why shouldn’t I give other people the opportunity to do the same? Life is challenging.

So in the movie Avatar (which I may or may not have watched last night) I am curious, did Jake’s human body get tired while he was running around in his Na’vi body? Or were they completely separate? I mean I know he needed to sleep after, but was he physically exhausted? (note: I had forgotten how good that movie was) Did you know they’re making a sequel? Split into 3 movies? I KNOW. It’s very exciting.

Also, I love the idea of energy flowing through all things, and the line in the movie about how everything is made up of borrowed energy…

“She talks about a network of energy that flows through all living things. All energy is only borrowed. And one day you have to give it back.”

I think that’s a beautiful way to view the universe.

Home.

Saturday in Colorado and I woke up without an alarm for the first time in weeks. It was awesome.

I’m not sure that I have allergies, I might just be getting a cold.

Update. Sunday morning. It’s a cold. Yesterday we had a relaxing morning, went to the zoo and abandoned that attempt as the parking lot was just insane. Went to the botanical gardens instead. Beautiful weather.

I took a drive last night and watched the sun set behind the mountains… the colors were just beautiful. I just wonder if, after being here for so long, that awe goes away?

You know that feeling when you wake up in the middle of the night sick, and your eyes are all watery and dry at the same time, and your nose is stuffed and running at the same time? What is that about?? Being sick is the worst. (Note, I always get whiney when I’m sick. Forgive me)

Morning stretches/push ups rock my world. Just saying.

Why is it sometimes we have crazy dreams? I had crazy dreams last night about crime fighting and I was getting promoted and hanging out with Nick Fury and I was riding a motorcycle. It was awesome. Then I met Damon Benning and he was a superhero. (I love listening to him on 98.5) I don’t always dream like that though and I don’t always remember my dreams either. The human brain is just crazy!

Update: Sunday evening. I have no idea if it’s a cold or allergies but whatever it is can just go away any time now!

I don’t have a lot of questions today. Just gratitude for a good trip, a safe drive both ways, my couch and my Netflix. (I have my bags unpacked and laundry going, thank you very much)

Most interesting sign I saw?

Caution: Correctional facility. Do not stop for hitchhikers.

I laughed out loud and then immediately wondered if a specific event occurred to spur that sign’s creation, or if it was just a cautionary post.

Solo road trip.

I took a lot of notes on the road. At this point I’m at a hotel in Sterling, CO. I knew there was potential for a wintery mix, but I was not prepared for lack of visibility and freezing slush on the roads. Add commercial and semi tucks driving like the roads were dry, spraying slush onto my windshield, and passing without signaling, and I was done. The first hotel had no rooms, the second only had two. $150 but WiFi and hot breakfast included, and I didn’t have to get back on the road. Sold.

The pizza delivery guy brought multiple plates with my order. Not sure if he thought I was sharing, or if he thought I’d actually use a plate. (I ate straight from the box, cross-legged on the bed watching The Lego Movie)

I’m grateful there’s a fridge in here…I have a lot of food left over.

Just finished watching The Rock. It’s so good.

So, some road observations:

I find when starting out a road trip alone, I run through every worst case scenario possible. I also have to remind myself multiple times that I’m fully capable of changing a tire, filling them with air, and checking my fluids.

I noticed a few guys outside working, just walking by the road and it struck me that I’ve never heard someone with a job like that say, I would love to have a desk job. I’m sure the weather extremes suck, but it must be nice to be outside. I love being outside.

I like trying to figure out in my head what time I’ll get to a city. When i was a kid I always asked my dad how he knew down to the minute and now it’s fun for me. (I never claimed to be cool)

It’s extremely challenging for me get to my air settings comfortable. Like, first it’s too cold, then it’s just my feet that are too cold, pull up my sleeves, pull down my sleeves, adjust the direction of the airflow…it’s ridiculous.

“I’m not hungry, I’m just bored” I said repeatedly. Seriously, what is it about road trips that makes me want to just eat junk food? I managed to keep it to chex mix and almonds, with cheese and crackers for lunch.

I still hate driving over bridges.

After I passed North Platte I had a Samwise Gamgee moment. It was the furthest west I’d ever driven.

I passed a flat bed trailer carrying what looked like a WWII era tank and a soccer mom minivan and I have questions.

Does anyone know the specific reason hitchhiking is illegal or do we all just assume it’s because of people who hurt other people? I guess what I mean is what was the catalyst that pushed the law to be signed?

I need to work out tomorrow. Squatting and lifting baby Jackson totally counts. I can’t wait! Stupid snow, go away!

*gasp*

It happened. I went a day without posting. But, to be fair, not without writing, because half this post was drafted yesterday and I just didn’t manage to get it published. It was bound to happen but I do not intend for that to become commonplace. I know you were very concerned.

I know my cats love me unconditionally because they still rub their little faces on my arm even though they know they’re going to get shocked. The hesitation before they make contact means they know it’s coming and do it anyway. I’m not sure if that’s stupidity or what, but I’ll take it. I mean come on, we’ve all done dumb things to show someone we care about them, amirite? (I’m totally right)

I pick the nail polish off my fingernails after it starts to peel. The nail polish on my thumbnail is always the most difficult to remove sans nail polish remover. What makes the thumbnail mightier than the rest? Why does the nail polish adhere to it more effectively? I don’t get it.

Who looked at rhubarb and decided it might be a good idea to try to eat it? I mean look, I can enjoy a slice of strawberry rhubarb pie every now and then, but it has to be ice cold with cool whip. That aside, seriously. (I would have died in the ‘hunter/gatherer’ times. Oooo look berries! Why are they so red? Oh well.)

I enjoy working out every time I go but I also enjoy sitting on my couch. So…yeah…

It’s amazing to me the predicaments we as people can get ourselves into (and out of) based on ego, pride, self-centeredness, fear, etc. But equally as surprising are the situations we get into (and out of) based on care, concern, passion, selflessness, empathy, and love. Human emotion is varied, unpredictable and fascinating.

What happens to the phone numbers and email addresses that go unused or sit dormant? Do they eventually just disappear? I mean I made a LOT of email addresses as a pre-teen/teen. Does some program go through and clean them up? Could I be drmrgrl36 again? (I think that was one. Wow. I dunno.)

Interstellar was as good the 3rd time as the 1st. I caught way more watching it at home. I think probably because I wasn’t so caught up in the music that I was able to actually focus on what was happening in the movie.

I don’t know if you guys have figured it out yet but I’m just a big geek/nerd/dork or whatever. I wear Harry Potter and Zelda t-shirts, go on and on about things that aren’t particularly important, think about things I can’t really wrap my mind around (like the vastness of the universe, that one gets me more often than I care to admit) and laugh at my own jokes. I have a Harry Potter tattoo, I saw LOTR in the theater more than 2 or 3 times, I’ve probably got half the Marvel movies embedded in my memory, and playing word games is something I really enjoy doing in my limited spare time. I’m just grateful today that I embrace that instead of hide it.

Ok. What’s with the worm smell after the first few rain showers in the spring? How do people enjoy that smell? I remember walking through my neighborhood as a kid, being seriously grossed out by the earthworms that crawled across the pavement. I’d tiptoe around them and probably squeal a little bit. (Ok, so I’m a little dramatic too. Whatever) I’d also run in fear at the sound of the tornado siren tests on Saturday mornings. I was kind of a wuss.

I’m going to Denver today! Woo! That means I’m spending 8 hours alone in a car today, but the payoff will be SO worth it. Visiting friends and babies, enjoying not being at work, and coming back to what I expect to be quite an enjoyable 1st full week in April.

Have no fear, I still intend on posting every day, even on vacation. There MIGHT even be a second post tonight, just because I’m going to have 8 hours alone in a car to think. (That’s as frightening as it is promising)

Super Powers.

It seems to be a peculiar twist of fate that it is 80 in Denver today and Thursday when I drive out it’s going to be 40 with a wintery mix.

I love and hate hashtags. #justsayin

If you had to pick, telepathy or mind-control? The differences are subtle but important. I love thinking about superpowers. Sometimes I look at the list of superpowers online and wonder what it would be like to have each of them. Some I’d prefer over others. What, you don’t do that? You should.

What is it about being behind the wheel of a vehicle that gives people the impression that they can behave like complete assholes and it’s acceptable? (yes, I am including myself in that)

Headaches. Amirite? I mean, come on.

For the record, I hate that I can take any small situation that almost certainly has nothing to do with me and turn it into something about me. The only way I can get away from worrying about the unknown is by getting busy helping other people. Or getting immersed in a hobby. Or napping.

What is the proper etiquette if, when buying tickets for a movie and seeing said movie alone, the only seat is paired with another solo movie-goer? I mean, first of all, thanks a lot Twin Creek for making single people everywhere have to deal with this decision in the first place. Secondly, I’m not going to NOT see a movie just because that’s the only seat left. So, should I pull the armrest down and pretend like the person next to me does not exist? Reach my hand out and say hello?

“Hey, so this is super awkward, but we’re stuck next to each other for the next two hours so let’s at least acknowledge that we exist.”

I dunno. My solution so far has been when attending the movies alone, to go to theaters further away from my place without assigned seating. The drive, so far, has been worth the peace of mind.

Why is it so hard to ask for help? In anything really. Is it ego? Fear? Embarrassment? Weakness? Old ideas shaping present actions? I figured that as I did it more, it’d get easier. So far that has not been the case.

I purchased my passport today. I’m going to Ireland in June for my 30th birthday. I don’t think I’ve mentioned that. It’s incredibly exciting and also brings with it a whole different line of questions. What is the best way to access my money? I don’t drink – will people be offended if I don’t drink when I have a meal? How am I going to get from the train station to the bed and breakfast? What happens if I get pick-pocketed? Will people talk to me at pubs if I don’t drink? (Seriously, I’d like to meet new people but I know that ‘buying rounds’ for friends is huge there and considered an insult if you leave without buying one for everyone else, even if you turn down the offers for yourself)

Interstellar has arrived. I love that movie. I’m going to go watch it now. You should too.

Friday. Yes.

There is an almost palpable shift in the air on a Friday in the office. People are nicer, work seems easier, and I can justify almost anything. Watch.

Long lunch? Welp, it’s Friday! Long morning break? No problem, it’s Friday! Nerdy T-shirt and sneakers to work? Who cares…it’s Friday, hello, get with the program.

It’s quite astonishing, really.

Does everyone have music constantly playing in their heads? What’s it like to have a quiet mind? (clearly yoga and meditation has been a struggle for me, but at least I try)

How does a song make its way into a person’s brain? Like, I just started singing that song Roll to Me by Del Amitri. I had to look up the one line of lyrics I actually knew to figure out what the song was. I haven’t heard it in years. That song came out in 1995. I was 10. Seriously, where did it come from?

How does a school bus driver know where all the bus stops are? I mean, 50 kids on a bus is a lot of kids. I thought buses had like a total of 3 stops. And the kids had to get out and walk home from wherever the closest stop was. (I never rode the bus to school) I got stuck behind a school bus in my neighborhood yesterday and he stopped like 6 times in ‘not very far’ which translates to maybe three streets. There are no signs. Does he have to study a map of the city and memorize? Do the kids know and pull a string? I never saw a string on a bus. It has to be the driver. He must be responsible. (I could keep going, seriously)

What possesses a grown person to take another person’s lunch out of the fridge in the break room?

I write/type fridge instead of refrigerator most of the time because I usually spell refrigerator wrong, which is a huge bummer for me as I am typically quite adept at spelling. (yes, I spelled it wrong. It had the red squiggly line of shame)

Why is there a d in fridge? I mean really, where’d it come from?

Why aren’t office dogs standard for corporations? I mean, they’re just so fluffy. What does it take to get a corporation to allow dogs in the workplace? Cats would be a nightmare, I get that. When a person brings a dog to work, how often do they get to take breaks to take the dog outside for walks?

Is there a study that proves seeing outdoors during work increases productivity?

My lack of a window and office dog severely affects my morale at work. I’ve never had an office dog and only briefly had a window, so it probably doesn’t affect it as much as I’m letting on. I just think both would be great.

I love to eat healthy and really dislike cooking. It’s quite the juxtaposition I haven’t quite overcome yet.

I prefer to binge watch the same TV show on repeat on Netflix rather than start something new. I mean, I know there are a lot of good shows out there. I watched Agents of Shield for the first time and now I’m hooked (it’s incredibly cheesy, but it’s Marvel and Phil Coulson so…duh) Peaky Blinders, same thing. I knew nothing about that show except that Cillian Murphy was in it, and he’s probably in my top 3 favorite actors ever (and he’s Irish, so bonus) so I watched it and LOVED it. I guess my hesitation lies in the fact that my time is valuable (although how valuable is debatable, considering my above statement) and I don’t want to waste it trying a new show/movie that ends up just being awful. Clearly, I’m able to get past that on occasion. But sometimes (who am I kidding, most of the time) I’d prefer to watch something I know is going to make me laugh rather than take a guess.

Pizza is my kryptonite. Seriously, if bribing me is in order, good, thin crust pepperoni pizza is probably your best bet. Well, give it a shot anyway.

Most of the time in my life, I am not a very competitive person. Just the way I’m wired. But let me go ahead put this out there for whatever it’s worth. If you challenge me to a game of Scrabble, it is on. I will show no mercy.

This is getting long and I feel like I should end it and just publish another one later if I want. It has been more facts about me this time around as much as random questions/ideas that I ponder. I’m not sorry. I do feel a little bit badly that anyone reading this is hit with a wall of text. But I’m not motivated enough to insert a bunch of images just for the sake of having them included. I prefer clean lines rather than clutter. Thanks Mom.

[Edit: I just saw an article stating there’s a new non-stick coating out that prevents ketchup from sticking to the inside of the bottle. What a time to be alive.]

For your throwback viewing pleasure:

Two in one Day? The Audacity.

Why are timpani players in orchestra always men over 50? (This is envy talking, I’m thrilled to be playing in orchestra at all but it seems the odds of me ever playing timpani again are not high)

I don’t get the motivation behind announcing the weather on social media. Then again, I posted a picture of a plant I’m trying to grow at work. So… there’s that.

Every time I try to make a recipe from my childhood, it pales in comparison to my memory. What’s with that?

Why do people prefer certain types of music? Is it based on early childhood exposure? Or more about what’s happened in life? Or is it something in our brains?

I struggle with telling people about things I do and enjoy. Like singing, or painting. I always have to set the standards really low by explaining how I’m not very good. What’s the deal with that?

I can get passionate about almost anything, and in no time at all. I can get to the middle of a heated discussion and realize I’m fervently talking about my parent’s old hand mixer in comparison to my new one that died after two uses. (Theirs are older than me and still working marvelously. Wtf?)

Does every person on this planet have a purpose? Like, a deep, to the core, purpose of the soul? If so, how does one access that info? Is there a secret trek I’m supposed to participate in?

The night sky is infinitely beautiful to me. I can get lost in the stars.

I’m going to enjoy orchestra rehearsal now. Jackson Berkey will be here and that’s exciting. We’re doing a world premier of one of his pieces which is an amazing opportunity I’m grateful to be part of. These are the types of gifts I’ve been given. My musings may seem as if I’m unhappy. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m quite thrilled with my life. I just find life itself intriguing.

P.s. my plant’s name is Arthur. But I say it with a British accent. It’s way more fun that way.

(Arthur)