To Travel, Always

So, what I’ve found is that watching TV is as much a vacation as being somewhere new. Also, I’ve found about 4 new shows I’d love to get into. Not enough to pay for cable, but I get how people get hooked on so many TV shows.

I met the nicest guy on the plane ride from Chicago to Fort Lauderdale. We talked the whole trip. Considering we took a detour to avoid a storm, it was about 2.5 hours of chatting. You can learn a lot about a person in that time. I love that about traveling. Everyone has a story – and I love when people choose to share their stories with me. He and his wife and their friends nearly missed boarding, so they were all split up. Lucky me, he was so pleasant. He also suggested, after getting to me a little bit, that I should write as well. But what to write? I just have no idea. I know that I love it, but I don’t know what interests people that I have the knowledge to write about. I can write about my experience, that’s all I got. Maybe it’ll be enough someday. I just find it more than coincidence that I continue to hear that from people in my life.

I just want one thing in my life that is mine, ya know? One thing about me that makes me, me. Everything that I do right now is shared by at least one of my family members or friends. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Having said that – what makes me, me? Is it writing? Maybe. I don’t know. I’m in a spot where everything is somewhat up in the air – I think that’s probably a good place to be. It means anything can happen, and I like that idea.

I’m in Fort Lauderdale. The views are incredible. While I will admit, staying on the Gulf side is better for sunsets, I’m quite excited about seeing the sunrise tomorrow morning. The sand is soft and the waves crashing on the shore is mesmerizing. I realize how lucky I am that I have been to so many places and continue to travel. Sometimes I get lonely, especially when couples make up the most of the clientele, however most of the time I relish the solitude. I am more of an independent free spirit than I ever really recognized before. Embracing, owning and honoring that abut myself has been an incredibly rewarding experience.

For now, NCIS is marathoning on USA, which I can watch because I have cable in my hotel room. Fancy. Tomorrow is the World Finals Sand Volleyball Tournament on the beach – along with reading, relaxing, exercising, and just being.

Soak it up.

Friday took forever to get here.

What if what I think is random isn’t so random?

Do you do things you don’t want to do because you know that even if you don’t want to it’s the right thing to do? Adulting.

I am surprised that I am apprehensive to go on vacation tomorrow considering I already traveled alone much further away, but I suppose it’s healthy to be a little afraid. Right? RIGHT?

I am looking forward to reading a lot.

How does one figure out what to write about? Just, generally speaking. Generally.

It’s funny, I see a list of movies that are leaving Netflix and I’m outraged that I didn’t even know some of them were AVAILABLE on Netflix and then I remember I watch the same 2 or 3 shows all the time and consider the fact that maybe I need to branch out more.

If I want to travel internationally again next year, I should start figuring out where I want to go now. Or soon-ish.

Figuring out who I am, what I like and what I want, and learning how to speak up and voice all of that, has been a terrifying and also quite rewarding experience. I get to exercise my right to say yes, and to say no, and deal with whatever the fallout is from those actions. I get to choose. It’s cool. I realize that speaking your mind and saying no when you don’t want to do something or yes when you do may not be new for a lot of people. It is new for me. I’m liking it a lot.

Tattoo in Florida? Mayyyyybe….

Vaca brain

Do you believe in personality quizzes? Have you ever taken any and thought wow, that is spot on? I have. When I answer truthfully I am always surprised at how accurate my results can be. Is it because you see what you want to see in the results? I dunno. Interesting though.

If you could go anywhere alone, where would you go? I’m going to Florida this weekend and I couldn’t be more excited. I love traveling alone. I’m looking forward to ocean views and sand beneath my feet, and doing what I want, when I want.

Looking forward to some meditation and reading this weekend, along with some tasty foods and great photo ops. Now to find my camera…

It’s tattoo time, speaking of doing what I want when I want. I know, I’m ridiculous. I just love them so.

Do you ever think about how many different people there are in the world and how differently they all live their lives and perceive the things around them? Like, it’s no wonder communication is difficult. I love figuring out how people communicate and the mirroring it back to them. I just don’t know what to do with that skill set.

If you could be told what your purpose in life was, would you want to hear? I would.

Getting ahead on homework is a great feeling especially with a vaca coming up. So long suckers!

I’m really ready for the beach.

Thunderstorms are the best alarm clock.

My trip was empowering. I came back with some self-respect, so that’s new. I dig it.

So it’s mid-week back at work. I’ve been busy, clearly, but I’ve also been to work early. I think I had an almost imperceptible mind-shift regarding life in general.

James Horner died in a plane crash this week. It is a huge loss to the world – he wrote beautiful music. I have many of his in my collection – Avatar and Braveheart and Field of Dreams, An American Tale, The Land Before Time (one of my favs), Glory, The Man Without a Face, of course Titanic, Hocus Pocus, Apollo 13, Jumanji, and so so many others. It was shocking when I heard. He will truly be missed. He definitely left a legacy.

What is it about working out that is so great? I just love it. I also love cookies, so…

It still amazes me that one small thing can cause a flood of memories and a punch in the heart region. I try really hard to just move past that nostalgia – it’s easy to remember things through rose-colored glasses and forget the not-so-great times.

It’s also easy to feel lonely when someone you used to spend time with has found someone new. (Don’t forget, you may see me as an independent world-traveler with amazing friends and family and several hobbies that I enjoy, but I’m also a girl who wants to share her life with someone)

Moving on – I’m trying to decide where my next trip is going to be. Yes, of course I am. Greece? Not until they figure out their whole economic situation. Australia? Sydney maybe – always wanted to go there too. (Crocodile Dundee was a staple in my childhood) I’d love to go to Portugal, and of course Scotland/England/Wales. Clearly I want to go to all the places. Maybe I should stay stateside and just go to southern California or Maine. Both places I have never been but want to see. All in good time.

Who was the one that figured out how to fold two sheets and two pillow cases into a little rectangle for convenient packaging? Seriously. It’s like voodoo.

Seriously.

Someone compared their brain to a Rubik’s cube last night and I have to say I totally relate.

My cat chases my shadow and I find it quite hilarious. I’ll have to post a video sometime. I try to think of things to make me smile when I am thinking negatively and that one usually does the trick. Also, Avengers.

Ya know, also, I’m getting real tired of letting people make me feel stupid. I get to choose how I react to things. I don’t like being demeaned, as no one probably does. The difference is I don’t have to tolerate being treated that way, by anyone. I just have to figure out how to react with assertion and not aggression or defense.

Kind of a weird, all over post today. But that’s just where I am.

One more note, if you like movie soundtracks as I clearly do, check out Many Beautiful Things – the soundtrack is by Sleeping At Last and it’s fabulous.

Check it out.

This post is a good example of my brain = Rubik’s cube.

13.5 hours

Change is hard. Being willing to take direction and reach out to others makes it easier. Not easy, just, not as challenging as trying to manage everything on my own.

Guardians of the Galaxy is better than I remembered. The music is also awesome. Groot is incredibly well animated – he says so much with his face that he doesn’t really need to be able to say much with his words. And his theme music gives me goosebumps every time. (Big dork, I know. Sue me.)

I packed for Ireland this afternoon and when I was finished, couldn’t really recall everything I’d packed. I’m sure I missed something, but I can buy what I need when I get there.

I had a lot to blog about as the day happened and now that I’m sitting on the couch, every witty thought or random question I had has escaped me.

I’m exhausted but know that I can’t sleep – I have cleaned the kitchen, finished laundry (I had to dry my last little bit at my parents as my dryer broke this afternoon, of course) and made a list of things that need to be done in the morning. I will finish this movie, take a bath and hope that relaxes me enough to catch some zzz’s on the couch.

My cat Nico chases my shadow and I think it’s hilarious.

People watching downtown last night was incredibly entertaining and I’m really glad I didn’t sit at home and do nothing, stuck in my head. I have a pretty awesome support group around me these days.

Bug bites on the feet are pretty horrible. I mean, I can think of a few worse places, but not many.

I’m grateful for the chance to get away. I’m grateful that I know I’ll be missed while I’m gone, and that I’ll come home to people who care about me.

“You said it yourself bitch. We’re the guardians of the galaxy.” What a fantastic line.

I could vacuum. Maybe in the morning.

I’m kinda on vacation time already

Sometimes realizations come quickly. Sometimes slowly. I think the more emotionally invested I am, the longer it takes for realizations to unfold. I heard someone describe the word realize as something becoming real at the very core of your being. I had a realization last night that was as painful as it was freeing. I had a few of those this weekend. What that means for Monday is that I’m a bit lighter and quite a bit more hopeful.

And grateful.

Moving on to lighter topics – back to the Marvel universe because I love it so.

While re-watching Thor for the billionth time, it occurred to me…how did Loki get to Thor while he was being held by S.H.I.E.L.D.? I mean, did he take the Bifrost? I can’t imagine that Heimdall allowed him to go to lie to Thor about Odin being dead…so did he take his secret passage there too? And if that’s the case, how long had he really known that it was there, and had he used it previously for other nefarious or just mischievous mishaps? So many questions.

Arthur’s roots are growing at an alarming rate. I really need to buy a pot for him before I go out of town. I should try to grow another stem in water while I’m gone so he has a friend in his pot. What, you don’t name your plants? You should.

If you could have a fulfilling job that would improve your life, would you move away from everything you know to make it happen? I would consider it. One chance at life, better give it all I’ve got right? Home is always a place I could come back to.

I can’t believe this time next week I’ll be preparing to go to the airport for Ireland. Eeek! (This trip has distracted me from the fact that I’m turning 30)

Here’s a thought that’s bothered me, and I know it’s not just me. How is it in post-apocolyptic shows or zombie shows (read: Walking Dead) girls have impeccable eyebrows and no armpit hair. I mean really, when you’re battling zombies on the regular, do you really take time out of your day to shave and tweeze? and how? How did you find a razor and tweezers? These are the things I notice people.

I am lucky to be graced with some amazing women in my life. I hope I give back to them as much as they give to me!

It’s my Thursday.

I have a daily reprieve from acting like a jerk. Contingent upon reaching out to the universe and asking for a little guidance and support. My days go better when I ask. But when I’m in a terrible mental condition, my ability to be judgmental and insensitive increases exponentially. I don’t like to be that way. When I am that way, whatever I’m being judgmental about is usually something that I’m insecure about within myself. It is always a reflection of something I am lacking that needs to change. The ability to amend bad behavior and be aware of what I’m doing and to recognize that I get to choose how I act going forward is a freedom in itself because I don’t have to be chained to my own negativity. I can be positive, and not let what others do or say affect my mood. Slowly but surely, this becomes truer in my life.

Everyone has value. Including me.

I found pictures from Seattle and now I really want to go back. (I also kinda miss my long hair when I see those pictures)

Donuts are just little pieces of heaven. Man, why are they so good? And SO terrible for you?

Yoga has become something I really look forward to every week. I would love to incorporate more than one class a week into my schedule. I feel more centered and right with the world and the higher power working in my life after class than after any other time.

Ireland is coming up and I’m starting to panic about the little things like ya know, getting from the city to the B&B, wondering if they’ll be nice to me, questioning how much cab rides are really going to be, pondering if I’ve saved enough money or if I’ll have to put some things on credit, will I meet people, what will I learn, where will I love the most, how am I going to get to the tour stop at 7:40 am, etc. Then I think about like, what to do for 11 hours on a plane. I need a new book or two. Mostly I’m excited though. I think it’s probably normal and a little logical to be questioning those kinds of things. Right?

Did I mention already that I got a new bike seat and pedals with straps? Going for another bike ride tomorrow – pretty excited.

Is there some habit that you’d like to change in your life? I always hunch my shoulders. I carry so much tension in my neck and my upper back that I would really like to stop doing that. I’m working on it.

Tomorrow is my last day of work for the week and then I’m taking a trip to Minnesota to unplug. Just a couple of days, but I’m looking forward to it.

Zombie Apocalypse

Upon changing the theme of my blog, it became apparent to me that my entries are quite long. My bad.

I was walking into the office and saw a wooden baseball bat propped up in the back of a small truck and I have questions. Is it for actually playing the sport or is it a weapon? How often is it used? What prompted this person to keep it in the truck? Pick-up games of ball randomly on a Tuesday afternoon or being jumped in the parking lot of a 7/11?

Anyone I know who has traveled to Ireland says the people are all so nice. But then people who are from Ireland say the people are all shites. So, I’m intrigued.

Hearts worn on sleeves are rarely safe, but they’re honest.

What is it about people and food days at work? I mean, every group I’ve been in gets ecstatic over food days. Let’s have a monthly food day! (Please wash your hands before and during prep)

So I was walking back to the parking garage in midtown after watching a few episodes of The Walking Dead on Monday, and it was late, and everything was quiet, and all I could think about was what the place would look like if the zombie apocalypse actually happened. Do you think you’d fare well in the event that happened? I’m not so sure I would. I’d like to think I would. But I dunno. I’m kind of a wuss.

On that note, in Arizona there are some concrete houses built into the side of mountains. Steep mountains that only have one road and could probably have serious storage caves built into the side of said mountains to store food and water and non-perishables. I’m just saying I may have considered their value in the event of zombies when we visited last year.

Arizona was one of the most beautiful places in a very unique way. I’d love to go back.

Seriously. Zombie fortress.

*gasp*

It happened. I went a day without posting. But, to be fair, not without writing, because half this post was drafted yesterday and I just didn’t manage to get it published. It was bound to happen but I do not intend for that to become commonplace. I know you were very concerned.

I know my cats love me unconditionally because they still rub their little faces on my arm even though they know they’re going to get shocked. The hesitation before they make contact means they know it’s coming and do it anyway. I’m not sure if that’s stupidity or what, but I’ll take it. I mean come on, we’ve all done dumb things to show someone we care about them, amirite? (I’m totally right)

I pick the nail polish off my fingernails after it starts to peel. The nail polish on my thumbnail is always the most difficult to remove sans nail polish remover. What makes the thumbnail mightier than the rest? Why does the nail polish adhere to it more effectively? I don’t get it.

Who looked at rhubarb and decided it might be a good idea to try to eat it? I mean look, I can enjoy a slice of strawberry rhubarb pie every now and then, but it has to be ice cold with cool whip. That aside, seriously. (I would have died in the ‘hunter/gatherer’ times. Oooo look berries! Why are they so red? Oh well.)

I enjoy working out every time I go but I also enjoy sitting on my couch. So…yeah…

It’s amazing to me the predicaments we as people can get ourselves into (and out of) based on ego, pride, self-centeredness, fear, etc. But equally as surprising are the situations we get into (and out of) based on care, concern, passion, selflessness, empathy, and love. Human emotion is varied, unpredictable and fascinating.

What happens to the phone numbers and email addresses that go unused or sit dormant? Do they eventually just disappear? I mean I made a LOT of email addresses as a pre-teen/teen. Does some program go through and clean them up? Could I be drmrgrl36 again? (I think that was one. Wow. I dunno.)

Interstellar was as good the 3rd time as the 1st. I caught way more watching it at home. I think probably because I wasn’t so caught up in the music that I was able to actually focus on what was happening in the movie.

I don’t know if you guys have figured it out yet but I’m just a big geek/nerd/dork or whatever. I wear Harry Potter and Zelda t-shirts, go on and on about things that aren’t particularly important, think about things I can’t really wrap my mind around (like the vastness of the universe, that one gets me more often than I care to admit) and laugh at my own jokes. I have a Harry Potter tattoo, I saw LOTR in the theater more than 2 or 3 times, I’ve probably got half the Marvel movies embedded in my memory, and playing word games is something I really enjoy doing in my limited spare time. I’m just grateful today that I embrace that instead of hide it.

Ok. What’s with the worm smell after the first few rain showers in the spring? How do people enjoy that smell? I remember walking through my neighborhood as a kid, being seriously grossed out by the earthworms that crawled across the pavement. I’d tiptoe around them and probably squeal a little bit. (Ok, so I’m a little dramatic too. Whatever) I’d also run in fear at the sound of the tornado siren tests on Saturday mornings. I was kind of a wuss.

I’m going to Denver today! Woo! That means I’m spending 8 hours alone in a car today, but the payoff will be SO worth it. Visiting friends and babies, enjoying not being at work, and coming back to what I expect to be quite an enjoyable 1st full week in April.

Have no fear, I still intend on posting every day, even on vacation. There MIGHT even be a second post tonight, just because I’m going to have 8 hours alone in a car to think. (That’s as frightening as it is promising)

Super Powers.

It seems to be a peculiar twist of fate that it is 80 in Denver today and Thursday when I drive out it’s going to be 40 with a wintery mix.

I love and hate hashtags. #justsayin

If you had to pick, telepathy or mind-control? The differences are subtle but important. I love thinking about superpowers. Sometimes I look at the list of superpowers online and wonder what it would be like to have each of them. Some I’d prefer over others. What, you don’t do that? You should.

What is it about being behind the wheel of a vehicle that gives people the impression that they can behave like complete assholes and it’s acceptable? (yes, I am including myself in that)

Headaches. Amirite? I mean, come on.

For the record, I hate that I can take any small situation that almost certainly has nothing to do with me and turn it into something about me. The only way I can get away from worrying about the unknown is by getting busy helping other people. Or getting immersed in a hobby. Or napping.

What is the proper etiquette if, when buying tickets for a movie and seeing said movie alone, the only seat is paired with another solo movie-goer? I mean, first of all, thanks a lot Twin Creek for making single people everywhere have to deal with this decision in the first place. Secondly, I’m not going to NOT see a movie just because that’s the only seat left. So, should I pull the armrest down and pretend like the person next to me does not exist? Reach my hand out and say hello?

“Hey, so this is super awkward, but we’re stuck next to each other for the next two hours so let’s at least acknowledge that we exist.”

I dunno. My solution so far has been when attending the movies alone, to go to theaters further away from my place without assigned seating. The drive, so far, has been worth the peace of mind.

Why is it so hard to ask for help? In anything really. Is it ego? Fear? Embarrassment? Weakness? Old ideas shaping present actions? I figured that as I did it more, it’d get easier. So far that has not been the case.

I purchased my passport today. I’m going to Ireland in June for my 30th birthday. I don’t think I’ve mentioned that. It’s incredibly exciting and also brings with it a whole different line of questions. What is the best way to access my money? I don’t drink – will people be offended if I don’t drink when I have a meal? How am I going to get from the train station to the bed and breakfast? What happens if I get pick-pocketed? Will people talk to me at pubs if I don’t drink? (Seriously, I’d like to meet new people but I know that ‘buying rounds’ for friends is huge there and considered an insult if you leave without buying one for everyone else, even if you turn down the offers for yourself)

Interstellar has arrived. I love that movie. I’m going to go watch it now. You should too.