Friday.

Sometimes when I drive, I have something in my passenger seat like a card or a book, or something else trivial that I certainly don’t need while I’m paying attention to the road, and I’ll make a turn, and said item will go flying off the seat and I react as if it’s fallen into some abyss never to be seen again. Usually grumbling some profanity at the same time. I did this the other day and realized what an overreaction it was. Like, it’ll be there when I park the car.

I’m finding tattoo ideas quicker than I can save money to get them.

Going with the car theme, sneezing in the car is one of the most terrifying things ever. I mean, I know that your eyes only close for half a second, but a lot can happen in a half a second! And there’s NO control over it.

I was surprised to hear that someone is inspired by me. It is flattering, and it’s an honor, but I immediately wonder why. I just imagine all the things that make me so so awkward. I trip over myself constantly, I suffer from crippling self-doubt and insecurity, sometimes I stutter on the phone when I’m trying to run a call and I have a knack for letting things go bad in the fridge. I take an excessive amount of pictures of my cats and I listen to the same music and watch the same shows/movies over and over. I spend an inappropriate amount of time in Walgreen’s trying to decide on new body wash and have almost no impulse control when it comes to Amazon online shopping. I’m just saying. I’m grateful that we as people see things in others that they don’t often see.

When someone says, you really look like you need to have that cup of coffee, is that a veiled way of saying good lord you look tired? I think it might be. That’s ok, it’s probably true. Also, I do need this cup of coffee.

Doing laundry yesterday, I was so proud of myself for getting everything in one load that I didn’t think about whether or not I should’ve. Folding it will be a nightmare. Notice I said will be, because I certainly didn’t do it yesterday.

Sometimes when I hear people sigh, I wonder if it’s a sigh because they’re frustrated, or angry, or remembering something fondly, or if they just really needed to take a big deep breath. I sometimes take deep breaths because it feels good to breathe in as deeply as I can and exhale audibly. I can’t help it. It feels nice. You should try it.

Isn’t it amazing how a person can be in the periphery of your life, and then all of a sudden, they radiate so brightly that you can’t help but notice who they are and what they do and how they make you feel? Friend, coworker, significant other, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes a person just illuminates my life, and I’m tuned in enough these days to notice when they shine. I think that’s wonderful.

I am getting closer to perfecting the pan-cooked steak. I know.

It’s my Thursday.

I have a daily reprieve from acting like a jerk. Contingent upon reaching out to the universe and asking for a little guidance and support. My days go better when I ask. But when I’m in a terrible mental condition, my ability to be judgmental and insensitive increases exponentially. I don’t like to be that way. When I am that way, whatever I’m being judgmental about is usually something that I’m insecure about within myself. It is always a reflection of something I am lacking that needs to change. The ability to amend bad behavior and be aware of what I’m doing and to recognize that I get to choose how I act going forward is a freedom in itself because I don’t have to be chained to my own negativity. I can be positive, and not let what others do or say affect my mood. Slowly but surely, this becomes truer in my life.

Everyone has value. Including me.

I found pictures from Seattle and now I really want to go back. (I also kinda miss my long hair when I see those pictures)

Donuts are just little pieces of heaven. Man, why are they so good? And SO terrible for you?

Yoga has become something I really look forward to every week. I would love to incorporate more than one class a week into my schedule. I feel more centered and right with the world and the higher power working in my life after class than after any other time.

Ireland is coming up and I’m starting to panic about the little things like ya know, getting from the city to the B&B, wondering if they’ll be nice to me, questioning how much cab rides are really going to be, pondering if I’ve saved enough money or if I’ll have to put some things on credit, will I meet people, what will I learn, where will I love the most, how am I going to get to the tour stop at 7:40 am, etc. Then I think about like, what to do for 11 hours on a plane. I need a new book or two. Mostly I’m excited though. I think it’s probably normal and a little logical to be questioning those kinds of things. Right?

Did I mention already that I got a new bike seat and pedals with straps? Going for another bike ride tomorrow – pretty excited.

Is there some habit that you’d like to change in your life? I always hunch my shoulders. I carry so much tension in my neck and my upper back that I would really like to stop doing that. I’m working on it.

Tomorrow is my last day of work for the week and then I’m taking a trip to Minnesota to unplug. Just a couple of days, but I’m looking forward to it.

It’s May

Yoga is magical, exhausting, refreshing and restorative to the soul.

Why do almost all action movies have the protagonist saunter away from an explosion without turning around or being blown forward?

Letting go of something doesn’t necessarily mean saying goodbye, it just means being ok with change.

Does Loki really love Frigga? I mean, was he legitimately saddened at herher death and does he mean what he says to Thor at the end of The Dark World (under the guise of Odin) and on that note, when the guard said they found a body and Odin said Loki, did he know that Loki had taken someone else’s form or did he think Loki died?

Why do some groups of women squeal with delight, loudly? Is it inability to handle the excitement or seeking attention?

How did Stark not know that Obadiah was a bad guy? Seriously that guy screamed asshole.

I bought a bicycle this weekend. I realize I’m going on a trip in a month but there was a sale and I’d wanted one for a long time. Probably could’ve waited, didn’t, real excited to ride it. Probably not today, my woke body aches from yoga and well, it’s about to be thunderstorm central. No complaints here, I love storms.

I can recognize today that my fear of the unknown can be paralyzing, and it can be suffocating, and I hate it. I ask the universe on the regular to help rid me of that fear and learn to be present, and to take actions that enable my present to be enjoyable, lighthearted and happy. Not full of anxiety, fear, insecurity and doubt.

Why do pilots say mayday when going down? Yes I will probably Google that, it just never occurred to me before.

I love origin stories.

I also love carrot cake. I could really enjoy a piece right now.

Super Powers.

It seems to be a peculiar twist of fate that it is 80 in Denver today and Thursday when I drive out it’s going to be 40 with a wintery mix.

I love and hate hashtags. #justsayin

If you had to pick, telepathy or mind-control? The differences are subtle but important. I love thinking about superpowers. Sometimes I look at the list of superpowers online and wonder what it would be like to have each of them. Some I’d prefer over others. What, you don’t do that? You should.

What is it about being behind the wheel of a vehicle that gives people the impression that they can behave like complete assholes and it’s acceptable? (yes, I am including myself in that)

Headaches. Amirite? I mean, come on.

For the record, I hate that I can take any small situation that almost certainly has nothing to do with me and turn it into something about me. The only way I can get away from worrying about the unknown is by getting busy helping other people. Or getting immersed in a hobby. Or napping.

What is the proper etiquette if, when buying tickets for a movie and seeing said movie alone, the only seat is paired with another solo movie-goer? I mean, first of all, thanks a lot Twin Creek for making single people everywhere have to deal with this decision in the first place. Secondly, I’m not going to NOT see a movie just because that’s the only seat left. So, should I pull the armrest down and pretend like the person next to me does not exist? Reach my hand out and say hello?

“Hey, so this is super awkward, but we’re stuck next to each other for the next two hours so let’s at least acknowledge that we exist.”

I dunno. My solution so far has been when attending the movies alone, to go to theaters further away from my place without assigned seating. The drive, so far, has been worth the peace of mind.

Why is it so hard to ask for help? In anything really. Is it ego? Fear? Embarrassment? Weakness? Old ideas shaping present actions? I figured that as I did it more, it’d get easier. So far that has not been the case.

I purchased my passport today. I’m going to Ireland in June for my 30th birthday. I don’t think I’ve mentioned that. It’s incredibly exciting and also brings with it a whole different line of questions. What is the best way to access my money? I don’t drink – will people be offended if I don’t drink when I have a meal? How am I going to get from the train station to the bed and breakfast? What happens if I get pick-pocketed? Will people talk to me at pubs if I don’t drink? (Seriously, I’d like to meet new people but I know that ‘buying rounds’ for friends is huge there and considered an insult if you leave without buying one for everyone else, even if you turn down the offers for yourself)

Interstellar has arrived. I love that movie. I’m going to go watch it now. You should too.