Great life.

This to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him Who presides over us all.

I love that phrase. It comes from a book I read often. Last year, a physicist gave me a picture from the Hubble telescope with the second part on the side as a Christmas card. It stays in my car and is a reminder to me that even though I am a small part of the Universe, I should be grateful for my purpose in it. That I have a right to be here, just like you.

It also reminds me that I should never allow the good things in my life to become things I complain about. While I admit that is a lofty goal considering that I am, in fact, human, it can be a goal that I strive towards.

I have had an insane month. On top of regular things like work, meetings, choir, chores, therapy, dietitian and the gym, I have purchased a home (!), performed in an orchestra concert, gone on several dates, joined a couple of committees, tried cooking new foods, done plenty of homework for class, and have been dog-sitting since last Saturday, which adds an entirely new routine in the mix. The dogs are giant, and they bark a lot, and they demand attention. What I’m saying is that I’ve had a lot going on, and I’m exhausted. There are plenty of things I did not mention, but my point is this:

I am lucky to have such a full life.

There was a time when my life was desolate. Not many wanted to be in my company. I wasn’t great company, really. I don’t blame them. At that time in my life, all I wanted was to be a part of something. I had no passions left. I remember feeling that empty ache inside, missing the person I used to be but not being able to figure out how to get her back.

Today, I can catch myself getting wrapped up in complaints about this thing or that thing, and yes it’s true that my life is stressful, but it’s full of people who want to spend time with me, whether I believe that they do or not. They keep showing up. People trust me with their homes, their pets and their secrets. They confide in me and show up for me in ways I’ve never experienced before. It is an amazing thing. I am reminded to be grateful.

There are times, like now, when I see people that I love struggling to work through a terribly devastating situation, and there’s nothing I can do to help. I can pray and give hugs, which are sometimes ill-received. I get it. Grief is indescribable, and everyone handles it differently. So I stand at the ready, willing to help but keeping my distance. They know I’m here. I know they know.

Sometimes life is not fair. Sometimes, the ones we love are taken from us before we are ready. There is no easy way to process through something like that. My experience has proven that time and permission to feel are the only two things that guarantee getting through to the other side of the valley.

I don’t know where this is going, or how I got here. I just know that today I’m grateful for my life, my health, my friends and my family. A new relationship, a new home, a new chapter to write, and love to give to those around me. My goal is to fear less and love more. Hesitate less. Honor myself and the things that make me who I am. Be a friend. And always, be grateful. Be thankful for my life. Remember that the things I may be complaining about are the things I longed for most.

Relax.

Enjoy.

Relish.

Life is not forever – revel in the moment.

Be grateful.

Thunderstorms are the best alarm clock.

My trip was empowering. I came back with some self-respect, so that’s new. I dig it.

So it’s mid-week back at work. I’ve been busy, clearly, but I’ve also been to work early. I think I had an almost imperceptible mind-shift regarding life in general.

James Horner died in a plane crash this week. It is a huge loss to the world – he wrote beautiful music. I have many of his in my collection – Avatar and Braveheart and Field of Dreams, An American Tale, The Land Before Time (one of my favs), Glory, The Man Without a Face, of course Titanic, Hocus Pocus, Apollo 13, Jumanji, and so so many others. It was shocking when I heard. He will truly be missed. He definitely left a legacy.

What is it about working out that is so great? I just love it. I also love cookies, so…

It still amazes me that one small thing can cause a flood of memories and a punch in the heart region. I try really hard to just move past that nostalgia – it’s easy to remember things through rose-colored glasses and forget the not-so-great times.

It’s also easy to feel lonely when someone you used to spend time with has found someone new. (Don’t forget, you may see me as an independent world-traveler with amazing friends and family and several hobbies that I enjoy, but I’m also a girl who wants to share her life with someone)

Moving on – I’m trying to decide where my next trip is going to be. Yes, of course I am. Greece? Not until they figure out their whole economic situation. Australia? Sydney maybe – always wanted to go there too. (Crocodile Dundee was a staple in my childhood) I’d love to go to Portugal, and of course Scotland/England/Wales. Clearly I want to go to all the places. Maybe I should stay stateside and just go to southern California or Maine. Both places I have never been but want to see. All in good time.

Who was the one that figured out how to fold two sheets and two pillow cases into a little rectangle for convenient packaging? Seriously. It’s like voodoo.

Seriously.

Someone compared their brain to a Rubik’s cube last night and I have to say I totally relate.

My cat chases my shadow and I find it quite hilarious. I’ll have to post a video sometime. I try to think of things to make me smile when I am thinking negatively and that one usually does the trick. Also, Avengers.

Ya know, also, I’m getting real tired of letting people make me feel stupid. I get to choose how I react to things. I don’t like being demeaned, as no one probably does. The difference is I don’t have to tolerate being treated that way, by anyone. I just have to figure out how to react with assertion and not aggression or defense.

Kind of a weird, all over post today. But that’s just where I am.

One more note, if you like movie soundtracks as I clearly do, check out Many Beautiful Things – the soundtrack is by Sleeping At Last and it’s fabulous.

Check it out.

This post is a good example of my brain = Rubik’s cube.

It’s May

Yoga is magical, exhausting, refreshing and restorative to the soul.

Why do almost all action movies have the protagonist saunter away from an explosion without turning around or being blown forward?

Letting go of something doesn’t necessarily mean saying goodbye, it just means being ok with change.

Does Loki really love Frigga? I mean, was he legitimately saddened at herher death and does he mean what he says to Thor at the end of The Dark World (under the guise of Odin) and on that note, when the guard said they found a body and Odin said Loki, did he know that Loki had taken someone else’s form or did he think Loki died?

Why do some groups of women squeal with delight, loudly? Is it inability to handle the excitement or seeking attention?

How did Stark not know that Obadiah was a bad guy? Seriously that guy screamed asshole.

I bought a bicycle this weekend. I realize I’m going on a trip in a month but there was a sale and I’d wanted one for a long time. Probably could’ve waited, didn’t, real excited to ride it. Probably not today, my woke body aches from yoga and well, it’s about to be thunderstorm central. No complaints here, I love storms.

I can recognize today that my fear of the unknown can be paralyzing, and it can be suffocating, and I hate it. I ask the universe on the regular to help rid me of that fear and learn to be present, and to take actions that enable my present to be enjoyable, lighthearted and happy. Not full of anxiety, fear, insecurity and doubt.

Why do pilots say mayday when going down? Yes I will probably Google that, it just never occurred to me before.

I love origin stories.

I also love carrot cake. I could really enjoy a piece right now.