13.5 hours

Change is hard. Being willing to take direction and reach out to others makes it easier. Not easy, just, not as challenging as trying to manage everything on my own.

Guardians of the Galaxy is better than I remembered. The music is also awesome. Groot is incredibly well animated – he says so much with his face that he doesn’t really need to be able to say much with his words. And his theme music gives me goosebumps every time. (Big dork, I know. Sue me.)

I packed for Ireland this afternoon and when I was finished, couldn’t really recall everything I’d packed. I’m sure I missed something, but I can buy what I need when I get there.

I had a lot to blog about as the day happened and now that I’m sitting on the couch, every witty thought or random question I had has escaped me.

I’m exhausted but know that I can’t sleep – I have cleaned the kitchen, finished laundry (I had to dry my last little bit at my parents as my dryer broke this afternoon, of course) and made a list of things that need to be done in the morning. I will finish this movie, take a bath and hope that relaxes me enough to catch some zzz’s on the couch.

My cat Nico chases my shadow and I think it’s hilarious.

People watching downtown last night was incredibly entertaining and I’m really glad I didn’t sit at home and do nothing, stuck in my head. I have a pretty awesome support group around me these days.

Bug bites on the feet are pretty horrible. I mean, I can think of a few worse places, but not many.

I’m grateful for the chance to get away. I’m grateful that I know I’ll be missed while I’m gone, and that I’ll come home to people who care about me.

“You said it yourself bitch. We’re the guardians of the galaxy.” What a fantastic line.

I could vacuum. Maybe in the morning.

Thurrrrrrrsday (I’m really bad at titles you guys)

So, fun fact. If you start a blog post and then close out of chrome, it does not automatically save in your drafts folder, or in your history, or in your trash folder, or anywhere else humanly possible. Had some gems in that one, will try to recreate, will probably fail.

My work put in automatic paper towel dispensers a few months ago. I have to admit that every time I motion to both the machines and take two paper towels I feel like a rebel. What is the point of going to that? Spending money to install all new dispensers in all the bathrooms, and for what, to regulate how many paper towels we use? Well I’ll SHOW YOU! I’ll take TWO every time! Stickin’ it to the man.

Leg day at the gym today so ask me how I’m feeling on Saturday. This will be my answer.

Lunch with my mom today was fun, as usual. We laugh a lot. She got me a cute little jewelry case for travel.

I watched Steel Magnolias for the first time last night. It was pretty good, but I always think of questions at times when it is inappropriate to ask questions. A child is screaming/crying, and pointing out the front door of the house. Like, screaming bloody murder. How does a director get a child to do such a thing? Take away his toy like a villain and run out the front door so the kid has a tantrum? I’d think that’d be a horrible way to do business. Also, I think of things like, was Julia Roberts actually sleeping when she was in the hospital bed? I can’t imagine so, but her eyeballs didn’t move at all – when I close my eyes and I’m not tired it’s work to keep them closed. My brain. You’re welcome.

I wonder if my cats will be glad when I come home. I realize I haven’t left yet but I know how excited dogs are when you get back from vacation for that long so I just wonder if cats will be.

I’m finding it difficult to focus at work. I am trying. I have one more workday and then I’m off for 14 days. That hasn’t happened in a very long time. I can’t wait!

I’m kinda on vacation time already

Sometimes realizations come quickly. Sometimes slowly. I think the more emotionally invested I am, the longer it takes for realizations to unfold. I heard someone describe the word realize as something becoming real at the very core of your being. I had a realization last night that was as painful as it was freeing. I had a few of those this weekend. What that means for Monday is that I’m a bit lighter and quite a bit more hopeful.

And grateful.

Moving on to lighter topics – back to the Marvel universe because I love it so.

While re-watching Thor for the billionth time, it occurred to me…how did Loki get to Thor while he was being held by S.H.I.E.L.D.? I mean, did he take the Bifrost? I can’t imagine that Heimdall allowed him to go to lie to Thor about Odin being dead…so did he take his secret passage there too? And if that’s the case, how long had he really known that it was there, and had he used it previously for other nefarious or just mischievous mishaps? So many questions.

Arthur’s roots are growing at an alarming rate. I really need to buy a pot for him before I go out of town. I should try to grow another stem in water while I’m gone so he has a friend in his pot. What, you don’t name your plants? You should.

If you could have a fulfilling job that would improve your life, would you move away from everything you know to make it happen? I would consider it. One chance at life, better give it all I’ve got right? Home is always a place I could come back to.

I can’t believe this time next week I’ll be preparing to go to the airport for Ireland. Eeek! (This trip has distracted me from the fact that I’m turning 30)

Here’s a thought that’s bothered me, and I know it’s not just me. How is it in post-apocolyptic shows or zombie shows (read: Walking Dead) girls have impeccable eyebrows and no armpit hair. I mean really, when you’re battling zombies on the regular, do you really take time out of your day to shave and tweeze? and how? How did you find a razor and tweezers? These are the things I notice people.

I am lucky to be graced with some amazing women in my life. I hope I give back to them as much as they give to me!

Life Twists

I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus. I haven’t felt the need or urge to write much as of late. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, creativity comes in waves like anything else. Or in my case, I just haven’t let the crazy out.

Ever feel as if everything in your life is up in the air? I guess that’s how I’ve been the past two weeks. Coming to some semblance of acceptance of it all has been challenging. I’ve thrown myself into the gym (did biceps and back on Saturday and I’m just now able to *almost* straighten my arms without pain) and into planning more specifics for my trip (11 days, I’m ready now).

It’s beautiful outside today – it has been rainy and cloudy lately. Today the sun is shining and it is pleasantly warm. Might have to go for a short bike ride.

So, in the 1930’s it was common to use the word ‘whatever’ where we would now use the word ‘whatsoever’ and I’m curious to know when that changed. It’s on my list of things to look up.

When I want to isolate, my friends reach out. I’m grateful for them. I have plans when I don’t want to have plans, which usually works out in my best interest because I end up having a lot of fun at said plans, when I would not have had as much fun alone. Life is funny that way.

Kick Monday’s Ass

I’ve been away for a few days. It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just that my life gets so busy that I hardly have time to think straight! Then, when I do have time over the weekend, I’m usually in the company of someone else, and the last thing I want to do at that point is plug back into my computer. I stare at a screen a lot during the week, so weekend posting is hit and miss, for sure.

Why is driving in the rain so exhausting? I love the sound of rain, sitting on the porch or in my house, but pounding on the exterior of my car it becomes quite annoying.

Words have the ability to cut a person down or build them up. Even the tone of how words are said can be a determining factor in how they are perceived by others. I have to remember that. Words are powerful. I still remember kind, and mean, things that were said to me as far back as 2nd grade, so ya know, I need to be conscious of my words and choose them carefully.

I wish that I could capture a moment in time in my brain and freeze frame it forever. Wouldn’t that be a cool superpower? I mean, I have memories that I can look back on but they always fade or become more challenging to pull up because of all the life I continue to live.

I wonder what it is like to go to work every day doing what you’re passionate about. I know several people who wake up and are thrilled to go in to work. It’s not that I hate my job, because I don’t. I just, ya know those people who are like, I was born to do this. And they do it and they get paid for it? Lucky.

What is it about a made bed that makes me feel like I’ve got my life together?

It amazes me that the whole weekend is over already. It was such a whirlwind. Constantly moving, which isn’t a bad thing.

Choir concert last night with Ola Gjelo was great. Far drive in the rain two days in a row, but it was a fun performance. On that note (see what I did there, with the pun?) choir rehearsal was cancelled for tonight and I’m a little bit excited about having a night to get some things done around the house, without having to leave for anything.

It also amazes me that I can be excited for a night to get my house cleaned and food cooked for the week. Clearly, I like to live on the edge.

People in this world can do outstanding things. Trying to focus on that rather than all the calamity in the world helps me to stay positive. Not that I want to be ignorant or uninformed, but I don’t want the world to drag me down.

Why does one side of the nose get clogged and when does the body decide it’s time to switch sides and how does that decision get made? Like, ok left nostril, you’ve put in your work for the morning, it’s time for everything to switch sides. Congestion, retreat to the alternate side and resume your business. What? I don’t get that.

I want a big bowl of creamy chicken alfredo pasta. I want to eat every bite without feeling guilty. Since that will never, ever happen, what I’ll do is not that. But man, it is definitely one of my favorite things. (Mmm food)

I also really enjoy napping. I managed to sneak in a 20 minute nap on Saturday, which was refreshing enough to get through the next portion of the day, but I adore falling asleep on the couch for an hour. It’s bad when I wake up in the morning and within the first few minutes of stretching and making my bed, start thinking about how great it will be to nap. I used to nap to escape, but now I nap because I’m up enjoying my life so much that I’ll take sleep when I can get it. (word)

My life is really, really good today. And I can see how good it is, and I’m grateful for that.

This Moment

Just how little sleep can an adult function properly on?

I think inspiring someone is pretty cool.

Why is it that when I start to experience a bit of serenity and a quiet mind, my brain decides to go into overdrive and identify some inconsequential question and begins to worry about it?

I’ve found that when I get like that, I can either choose to continue down that path of needless worry and indulge in my fear of the unknown, setting myself up for a terrible day, or, I can remind myself every time the question comes up (because it will be often throughout the day) that the answer does not matter, that knowing is not necessary, and that my day does not have to be dictated or controlled by one thought.

Sometimes, that is serious work.

It’s a great feeling to be genuinely happy for someone else’s joy. No envy or misplaced jealousy, no feeling of being slighted, just happiness for their happiness.

What’s it like to live where mountains, city, ocean and forest are a stone’s throw away from each other? Seriously. I don’t mind where I live, I’ve been here my whole life and my entire support system is here. But there are a lot of places I’d like to go and spend time. I love nature and being outside – its a way for me to connect with the universe.

How is it that time goes so slowly at the office and so quickly at home?

When did people first start writing comic strips? Were they scribbled out haphazardly and hidden away hundreds of years ago? I don’t see any ancient ‘Funnies’ being restored.

I have had to alternate between heat and air at my house because I can’t open the windows due to excessive noise from the highway. And the airplanes. I mean I could, but it’s so loud. Like, so loud. Definitely can’t sleep with the windows open, which is too bad. Although, considering the allergens in the air this year, maybe I’m better off.

Why do I hate doing laundry so much? Because it’s never ending? Because I have to wait for things to dry before I can make progress so it takes forever? I have no clue. I seriously can’t stand it though.

I used to think I had all this wisdom to share with the world. Little nuggets of truth that I’d learned that you’d read and it would just be like “BOOM”  life-changing moment. I don’t think that anymore. What I’ve come to realize is I really don’t know a whole lot about much. Not that I’m not intelligent. I believe I’m fairly smart, and can hold intelligent conversation about a plethora of topics at length. What I mean is, when it comes to life things, I’m constantly learning more.

I was told that the way I attack life is great. It made me thing about how I actually attack life. Sideways, mostly. I do what I have to so that I can do what I want to. It doesn’t mean I’m happy all the time, or that I’m feeling particularly fulfilled, or that I don’t want for something more or different. I’m just trying to let go of what I think I want in the future so that whatever’s out there for me can happen. Does that make sense? I don’t know. I just know that in high school and college I wanted the husband, 2 kids, dog, white picket fence, career, car, and the like. Now I’m almost 30 and I don’t have a husband, or kids, I have 2 cats, no picket fence, a decent job and a car that I can trust. So, 2 out of 6. And ya know, I’m pretty content, all things considered. It’s just interesting to me the way things seem to unfold in my life. And looking back, if I had gotten what I thought I wanted at 21 or 22, I’m not sure how happy I would’ve been. I guess I’m just feeling gratitude today for where I am. Today. Right now. Not worrying about where I’ve been or where I’m going. Just being glad for the moment.

Right now, the moment is pretty spectacular.

Life

Remember how I’m trying to grow a plant in my cubicle? I know it’s only been a week but I’m not seeing any roots yet and fear that Arty is not going to make it. Cross your fingers.

How is it that I can completely forget events going on that I’ve been preparing for months for? My orchestra concert is this weekend. THIS WEEKEND! Tonight is my last orchestra rehearsal! That’s kinda sad. I’m grateful for the experience though. It’s been wonderful.

Who thought trampolines were a good idea, ever? I mean really? They’re death traps. (I may or may not have injured myself on one yesterday) My point is – what was the original purpose of a trampoline? Who decided it would be a good idea to stretch that material on springs and jump on it? I’m guessing for science. But I do not know.

Do people who have automatic lights on their cars just assume that if they don’t come on automatically they aren’t necessary? It’s been rainy and gloomy here all week. Turn on your lights people. I pulled out onto a main street thinking I had all kinds of time only to see a camouflaged car at the last second. I had to hit the gas like mad, in the rain, over train tracks. I checked my rear-view a few times and they finally turned their lights on about 2 blocks down the road. Seriously?

Why is it that I struggle with asking people to come support me in the things that I am passionate about? I always feel like it’s an inconvenience or that I shouldn’t be proud of what I’m doing. That has to be something deep within myself, something about people pleasing that I don’t want to invite people to come to my performances because I don’t want to take the chance that they might not enjoy it or they might get bored. Which is dumb, because I’ve gone to things I didn’t want to go to in the spirit of supporting the people I care about. Why shouldn’t I give other people the opportunity to do the same? Life is challenging.

So in the movie Avatar (which I may or may not have watched last night) I am curious, did Jake’s human body get tired while he was running around in his Na’vi body? Or were they completely separate? I mean I know he needed to sleep after, but was he physically exhausted? (note: I had forgotten how good that movie was) Did you know they’re making a sequel? Split into 3 movies? I KNOW. It’s very exciting.

Also, I love the idea of energy flowing through all things, and the line in the movie about how everything is made up of borrowed energy…

“She talks about a network of energy that flows through all living things. All energy is only borrowed. And one day you have to give it back.”

I think that’s a beautiful way to view the universe.

Home.

Saturday in Colorado and I woke up without an alarm for the first time in weeks. It was awesome.

I’m not sure that I have allergies, I might just be getting a cold.

Update. Sunday morning. It’s a cold. Yesterday we had a relaxing morning, went to the zoo and abandoned that attempt as the parking lot was just insane. Went to the botanical gardens instead. Beautiful weather.

I took a drive last night and watched the sun set behind the mountains… the colors were just beautiful. I just wonder if, after being here for so long, that awe goes away?

You know that feeling when you wake up in the middle of the night sick, and your eyes are all watery and dry at the same time, and your nose is stuffed and running at the same time? What is that about?? Being sick is the worst. (Note, I always get whiney when I’m sick. Forgive me)

Morning stretches/push ups rock my world. Just saying.

Why is it sometimes we have crazy dreams? I had crazy dreams last night about crime fighting and I was getting promoted and hanging out with Nick Fury and I was riding a motorcycle. It was awesome. Then I met Damon Benning and he was a superhero. (I love listening to him on 98.5) I don’t always dream like that though and I don’t always remember my dreams either. The human brain is just crazy!

Update: Sunday evening. I have no idea if it’s a cold or allergies but whatever it is can just go away any time now!

I don’t have a lot of questions today. Just gratitude for a good trip, a safe drive both ways, my couch and my Netflix. (I have my bags unpacked and laundry going, thank you very much)

Most interesting sign I saw?

Caution: Correctional facility. Do not stop for hitchhikers.

I laughed out loud and then immediately wondered if a specific event occurred to spur that sign’s creation, or if it was just a cautionary post.

Short and sweet.

A brief post today. You’re welcome.

Having a baby may not be high on my priority list, but being around one is a ton of fun.

I understand its fun because I’m not changing diapers or nursing.

Yogurt dipped pretzels are amazing.

What is it about mothers? They have a language only they speak, and it’s easy to spot one because the child is attached, somehow. Usually. I have a language limited to certain groups, but most of those groups are totally nerdy and not really promoted. It’s why I wear nerd shirts. Every once in a while I meet one in the outernet. It’s fun.

Being in Colorado has confirmed that I do, in fact, have allergies. Sigh.

How is one nostril clear and then an hour later they switch? What’s with that?

Being able to see my friend is worth the trip every time. Our ability to be real and honest with one another and to be able to pick up as if no time has passed is a gift and it’s something I’m grateful for. She’s always been a safe harbor for me. I’m very lucky.

Dogs man, I love them!

Why does my eye randomly start twitching? Like, not just a little bit either. So annoying!

Goodbye Weekend.

So, yesterday was an amazing day, but stressful. At the end of it though, all the stress was worth it. I do not feel the same way when stressed about things like money. Stressing about money is never as satisfying and I do it way more often. Being grateful for a day full of friends and care is way more rewarding.

Why is it that my bed is absolutely uncomfortable when I go to sleep, but when I jump up in the morning to turn my alarm off and dive back under the covers it takes me no time at all to fall back asleep for that 9 minutes before my snooze goes off?

On that note, what is it about snoozing that is so seemingly satisfying? Like, hey. I totally set this for 20 minutes too early because I want to feel like I’m getting away with something by delaying my inevitable rise from slumber. I’m such a badass. (I’m not)

Why do cats constantly meow for food in their bowls when there is clearly food in the bowl? Seriously.

There is something about a lazy Sunday that is extremely gratifying. Productivity has its benefits, but there’s something to be said for slowing down enough to just be, and to be ok with that. Napping is the shit. (Yes, I still have laundry to finish and food to cook, but it doesn’t have to be done today)

Do animals have good memories? I understand they are teachable, but I mean do my cats remember being in the humane society 7 years ago? How do they perceive time? How is it that they just know that 2 am is the perfect time to tear through the house and play with toys that make noise?

Naturally motivated people are quite fascinating to me. I am equal parts jealous and impressed. I need to finish laundry and cleaning my house, yet here I sit, watching Netflix.

I’ve kept things light so far – please don’t misunderstand. I have plenty of thoughts about more somber topics, or more controversial topics. The thing is, I don’t want to focus on negative things in life, and I’m not one to write for the sake of being sensational or for shock value. Furthermore, my lack of a desire to create negative controversy or invite drama into my life has a direct effect on the things I invest my time in.